Faith mom, if you are one of the many moms of middle schoolers navigating the ups and downs of the tween years, you already know these seasons can bring big feelings, big questions, and big pressures. Your child may be facing kids' anxiety, friendship struggles, school stress, emotional ups and downs, a quiet pressure of trying to measure up, and you as a mom may be wondering, "How do I help my child become resilient without dismissing their feelings? How do I support their emotional health? How do I stay connected when they are pulling away, shutting down, or struggling to explain how they feel?" If ever felt overwhelmed by middle school parenting, struggled with parenting tweens- or wondered how to practice Christian parenting in the middle of hard emotions, this conversation is for you. Today on the Faith Mom Mentor, we're talking about the common mistakes Christian moms make when their tween has big feelings and how to build resilience through connection, faith, and practical tools instead. My guest today is Ginny Hornby. Ginny is a licensed professional counselor in Tidewater, Virginia. She has been working with families for over 15 years to restore connection and help heal broken relationships. She is passionate about helping children and teaching parents how to support their children with simple, practical tools that do not feel overwhelming. Jennie specializes in helping families navigate the preteen emotions, child emotional regulation, and the challenges that come with helping an anxious child. Her work offers valuable Christian mom encouragement for families seeking healthier relationships and stronger emotional connections. Jennie is the author of the children's book Made For This, which uses a playful storytelling approach to help families talk about big feelings in a gentle and engaging way. She is married to her best friend, , Ben, and is a mom to two sons, Nathan and Jack. In her free time, she enjoys indoor cycling, yoga, watercolor, and coffee dates. Ginny, welcome to The Faith Mom Mentor. I am so grateful to have you here. Aw, thank you, Ann. I'm so happy to talk about it. I'm excited to be here. We are glad that you're here. Let's get started, ginny,, before we talk about building resilience in children and practical Christian parenting strategies, I would love for our audience to get to know your heart. What led you into counseling and working with children and families? Okay. I would love to share. Just, I'm an open book, Ann, so you can ask me anything you want. , I went into therapy really because of my own struggles and getting support and therapy. , So I, I went to therapy as a little girl actually when my parents divorced, and I got to see a child specialist, and that was just a very good, positive experience for me. And then I went back when I was 25 and newly married, and was able to get support with my marriage. And so I, I just saw the benefits of it and recognized that I wanted to be that same kind of support for other people when they're struggling. And come to find out, a lot of therapists share that story. A lot of us became therapists because of our own journey as the client, that's so true, and it's so good. You have such compassion when you're like that. You have empathy for the person on the other side of the desk because you've- Yes, I hope so ... been there one time. So tell me- Yes , what especially brought you into- Mm ... the counseling portion or the counseling aspect for, to support families navigating the preteen, tween emotions- Goodness and their anxieties- Yeah and emotional challenges? I think part of it, honestly, is something God's just called me to. It was a very clear calling from the Lord just to work with children and work with families. A- and He has continued to just promise me that He's gonna equip me to what He's called me to do. And so working with families can be overwhelming. I mean, it's a hard time for families. There's a lot coming at them. And so I really have to just trust in that promise from the Lord that He's gonna equip me to do the work, and He's been so faithful. But I absolutely, you know, just feel that it was a clear calling, and He's equipped me to do it by His grace, so I just trust in that. Yeah. His grace is sufficient for everything that- It is ... He's called us to. He's not gonna call us- Yes ... to something that He will not equip us for. Right, right. That is true. Now, building resilience in children, what does it actually mean every day- Yes, right for the family life, and why is it so important to raise resilient kids? Mm. Yeah, resiliency is really important. Part of what it is, is resiliency is this idea that we're not fragile, this idea that we can handle hard things. And so there's this sense of having a capacity that's, that's wide. You know, it's not this narrow capacity of, oh, I can only do homework if I'm- If it's at 7:00 o'clock and I have my water, and I have my pajamas on, and I have my... You know, like that rigidity. You know, we wanna expand that capacity, so okay, I can do more math tonight than I thought I needed to do, or I can work through this hard problem and not, you know, collapse or shut down or have an explosion. So resiliency is, is just that sense of kind of bouncing back. Like something hard is coming towards me, but I can come back and not collapse or explode or something because of the challenge I'm in. And it, it is really important. I would say when you talk to educators right now, so many educators and counselors are seeing that kids just feel so fragile, and they really don't know what they're capable of. And part of it is, I don't know how much you guys talk about social media and, you know, being on iPads and things like that. You know, for me when I was growing up, I was out trying to figure out how to climb a tree, and I would fall, and I'd scrape my knee, and my mom wasn't there, my dad wasn't there. It was just me and the tree, and I was just working at it, those kind of moments build resiliency. You know, allowing a child to play and do something that might feel a little risky, but, and not interfering. You know, not going over and helping them and getting them up, but let him, let them struggle. Let them work at it a- and just sit back and just, you know, l- let them do it without jumping in and problem-solving for them. Yeah. That's so good because we helicopter moms sometimes want to problem solve for our children. Yeah. So what you're suggesting is that if we want resilient children- Right ... we may need to take a step back. Right. So many Christian moms hear the word resilience and may think it means that their children should be strong, tough, or able to move quickly. Mm. But what you're really saying is that, I hear the word flexible. Right. That resilience is really flexible. What, what would you want- Mm ... parents to understand about true resilience from a faith-based parenting perspective? Ooh, that's so good. I love that. You know, I think- Part of maybe even what I said in the beginning in terms of just from my own personal life, that I'm able to do hard things because I trust God. You know, it isn't because I have it all figured out, but I trust that I can step out of my comfort zone and do hard things that I might not have all figured out because I trust that it's... I have what I need to problem solve. I've got, you know, the Holy Spirit, I've got the Word, I've got other resources. So I can, I can struggle and I can wrestle with it. I remember my son was in fifth grade, and his teacher had a sign on the wall that said, "You can do hard things." And I thought, isn't that the perfect thing for, you know, 11-year-olds, 12-year-olds to see? And it meant a lot to me, too. But I think it's trying to build that belief system in them that, yes, you can do all things through Christ. You know, you don't have to back away from the hard things, is go for it. So I would just encourage parents, like, let them do things that are a little risky. Not risky like on their iPad, but risky in terms of, like, climbing a tree, or they might fall down, or they might mess up, or maybe they want to go somewhere and they might, you know, get their feelings hurt. Like, let them go through it. You know, let them, let them be there, face the thing, and, and sit back. Don't jump in right away, you know. Yeah. It sounds like I hear boundaries with that. Yes. Yeah. But then, , give them, extend the safety boundaries for parental safety boundaries. Mm-hmm. Not in dangerous waters like you were saying- Right with the iPad and that sort of thing. Right. But in, just in letting them go a little bit further down the street maybe to play- Right. Yes ... with a new friend or something. Yes. That you've already scoped out, that you're, that you know who their parents are- Sure ... and that sort of thing. Right. For, for moms of middle schoolers, these years can bring that anxiety, pressure, friendship struggles- Mm-hmm mood changes, and identity questions. What are some signs that a child may be struggling to process big feelings and, and not doing it in a healthy way? What are some things- Right ... could help a parent? Yeah. What to look for. Sure. I always tell families, you know, of course it's normal that they're gonna withdraw a little bit more. You know, it's normal that they're gonna talk to their friends more about what's going on, and, and you're gonna feel a little more disconnected, and that's just part of the development, and that's okay. So you're gonna already feel that stretch. But if you're noticing that they're very withdrawn, they're not coming out of their room, , in an excessive way where you feel really disconnected, and, you know, they're not necessarily talking to anybody or engaging in things they normally would, you know, that would be concerning for me. , If they're having... Of course, again, they're gonna have more moodiness. They're gonna have more crying or yelling episodes. I mean, that's normal, right? But if it's really interfering with life, if they're not able to, you know, go to school, they're not able to complete things and do the tasks they need to do, then, you know, that's concerning. , There's gonna be kind of a higher up and down with them, but if they're not able to function and do the things that they need, that's when I would be like, "Okay, we need to maybe get a little more support in here," yeah. That's very good. And before we continue- Yeah ... 📍 if this conversation is already encouraging you, would you take a second to hit the like button on this video? It helps signal to other moms of middle schoolers that this content may be exactly what they need today. And Ginny, I would like for us to go back to that- Okay ... last, , detail that you were just giving about if a mom notices something's a little more- Mm extreme than normal. Mm-hmm. What, what should she do? Should she s- should she try to talk to the child? Should she seek- Mm-hmm ... a counselor? What would be a step that she would take with that? Well, I'll tell you what I do at my house is I typically go to my husband because, , sometimes for me, and I'm not trying to say all women are like this, but sometimes I kind of, wah, you know, like, "Oh my gosh, what's wrong?" And so sometimes I have to bounce it off my husband, and kind of hear his perspective. Are you seeing this? Are you concerned? , And, you know, or somebody you trust that is in your life that will help you, you process it before you go to your kid. So I would encourage that first. , Just be- When, when we're in kind of an anxious state, we tend to think, "It has to happen right now, I have to talk to him right this second," and that's not the time to do it. You know, you wanna have that conversation when you're pretty settled and, and you feel a sense of, "We can take time. We can discuss this." So I would kind of check yourself first in the most loving way possible. And, and then what I would do is talk to the child in a way where, give them a heads-up. You know, "Hey, I wanna, you know, go on a drive with you," or, "I wanna go take a walk with you or take a bike ride." You know, something where... I like shoulder to shoulder with middle schoolers, especially boys. You know, if we're doing a face to face, that can feel intimidating to them. But if we're shoulder to shoulder, like in the car, riding our bike, that tends to, like, bring the pressure down a little bit. So I would set that up. Like, "Hey, let's go on a bike ride. When can you do that?" You know, give them a little notice that, like, you're gonna have some mom time or you're gonna have some dad time. And I love how you, Let them schedule it- Mm-hmm ... rather than just automatically demanding that, "We're gonna do this. Come on, let's go right now." Right. That you, that you are recog- that as a mom of a middle schooler, , they know what homework they have to do. They know- Right ... what their responsibilities are. Yes. And if we're in- interfering with what they're responsible for- That's so true ... without a heads up warning, that is a lack of respect for them. Mm, absolutely. And, and, and so we really need, if we want them to respect us and our time- Come on ... we really need to respect them and their time. Yes, and. Preach it. Yeah. That's so good. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, and- And even though you're the parent- Right ... you, you still, I mean, I love the warning. It reminds me, my son is autistic. Mm-hmm. And diagnosed when he was very young, and when he was a toddler, w- we could not just say, "It's time to go. Put your toys away"- ... "we're going right now." We could not say that. But if we could say-... "In one minute we're going" and in one minute he was ready to go. He could pack up- his toys. I mean, just that one minute warning- Mm ... made a difference in a meltdown or not having a meltdown. Right. Yeah, absolutely. And- Give them time to transition and prepare themselves. You know, we've been thinking about it, they haven't, so give them a little bit of notice. Yeah. Yeah, so parents a lot of times are hearing this connection before correction phrase. Yes. Why is that connection such an important foundation when a child is anxious- Mm ... emotional, angry, or, or just overwhelmed? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I love that saying. I use that saying all the time, connection before correction. So I don't know how much you guys have talked about, you know, fight or flight response or kind of the shutdown response. So if we're in a place where we feel connection, then we are regulated ourselves, right? So- And we can't learn very well if we're not regulated. So if we're trying to teach our child a lesson, but there's no connection, no relating, no sense of, hey, I'm on your team. You know, I tell my middle schooler all the time, "I am not trying to ruin your life." You know, so a sense of we're to- there's a togetherness, then even just in their brain, what's able to light up is an openness to learning, an openness to hear you. If they're anxious or upset or shut down and withdrawn, they're not able to learn the lesson, and I see it happen all the time in family therapy. It drives me crazy. Parents will be lecturing, and I watch the kid, and the kid just curls up, shuts down, stops talking, and the parent will just keep going, and nothing is getting in, so I try so hard to encourage parents, like, look at your kid. If they're starting to shut down, or they're starting to, like, get agitated, step back. You know, just pause. Let them get a minute. H- let them maybe talk. Get some of that pressure off, and maybe the six lessons you were trying to teach, maybe let's just have one thing we're gonna work on. You know, make it less overwhelming for them. Yeah, because sometimes middle schoolers do shut down, and, and body language is so- Mm key that we- Mm-hmm ... all, even parents need to be aware of their own body language, but we need to watch the natural body language of a middle schooler who doesn't- Yes ... really understand what they're doing. No. - Right ... they can't really control what they're doing. They're just naturally having a closed body language or a- Right you know, an inferior type of a feel- Yes ... to them. Yeah, yes, and I would encourage parents to use what they see to inform them rather than kind of turn it into another criticism. Like, "Don't cross your arms at me. Don't, you know, put your hands on your hips. You know, don't..." Instead of thinking of it like, oh, this is an, a personal attack on me, think of it in terms of like, okay, they're feeling like they're having to defend themself from me. Like, I love 'em more than anyone in the whole wide world, but they're not feeling that sense of connection or I'm for them. And so using it to just inform you of how you approach rather than like, "You better," ba, ba, ba, you know, getting in their face and- Like take your arms down kind of thing. Yeah. You've given a few examples here, but when a mom feels like she needs to do something right away with a child, and can't let it- Right ... like go. Sure. Sure. What, what are some ways that she can diffuse the situation? Mm-hmm. Like if, if the child is just, has just had a pure meltdown. Right. And you may be in a public s- set. Yes. Right. And you can't just separate them or sit them down. You've got to, you've got to do something. Right. And what should be the something? Mm-hmm. What are some thought processes that that mom, that you can give that mom? Yeah. I mean, I think about if for middle schoolers having a meltdown out in public what that would look like. My typical kind of go-to is h- if we're gonna diffuse it, then I need to get rid of our audience. Because I know for me if there's an audience, and there's people around, I'm gonna feel more on edge, and not really be able to hear them out very well. So typically, I might just say, "Hey, either we need to just stop talking for a second until we can get to the car, or maybe we need to just go directly out to the car, and, and just get, get ourselves together." So I like to try to remove the audience if, or just say, "All right, let's just stop talking. This isn't going well, and we'll pick this up when we get out to the car." , I've had to say that to my kids, to my clients. Sometimes it's just time to stop talking. This is not helping, and if they're not willing to, then I'm, I've got to be willing to say, "All right. Let's just go. We're done for now. And, , let's get to the car," or go outside or do something. , But typically I've noticed- , for us parents, honestly and truly, we need to just be quiet with our kids, and not get in that power struggle with them. , And just say, "We're not getting that whatever thing today," or, "We're not gonna be able to go to Starbucks after this." Or, whatever the thing is that they're upset about, , and, and that's... We're not gonna have a discussion right now. Like, this is it, and I know that's hard for you, but that's it, so just less words, less engaging and, and badgering and going back and forth on all the things helps. Well, some things that I've taken from what you have said is maybe a soft answer turns away the- Mm-hmm ... the wrath and the mom- Yes ... needs control. Those are the two things- Okay ... that I've heard that you've said- Mm ... from, from your scenarios there. Right. If the mom can just stay in control herself. Right. Right. And which you were suggesting, those were the things that you were suggesting. Sure. And then just, - Yeah, self-control, patience, and not blaming the child for our lack of self-control. Mm. - I'm upset because of you. Mm. It's like no, that isn't fair. Yeah. I have to govern my own behaviors, just like I'm asking you to. , Yeah, a gentle answer does turn away wrath. That is the truth. And, and sometimes we're not gentle. Sometimes we're harsh, and in those moments, that's an opportunity to repair, and just- Own it. You know, I've had to do that many times and just say, "You know what? I did not start that conversation well. Can we try that again? I'm so sorry," and just repair and take responsibility, and that means a lot, and that really does a lot of healing for the relationship, too. It really does, and sometimes moms feel guilty because they haven't handled something correctly. They wanted to quickly- Of course ... I, I'm guilty of wanting to quickly fix a situation and, and do they not see that if they just take a step right- you know, it will, it will all be fine. Yes, right. And they simply get there, and we forget that there have been times in our own life that we- Mm-hmm ... haven't been able just to take that one step for- Right ... we're belligerents or because we didn't realize it or for whatever reason. Mm-hmm. And a lot of times these kids are dealing with anxiety. So what would you say to the mom who feels the pressure to have that right answer immediately, but their child is just- Mm ... is just wavering. They're not- Yeah ... they're not sure what to do, and, and they're just unsure. Yeah. That's so real. I, I just feel that, you know, struggle, and so many parents have come to me asking that same thing. Honestly, I think it is another opportunity to just be quiet. You know, I... When you said that, I just kind of picture, like, scratching somebody's back, like, just being, like, a soothing presence for them. And if anything, I would s- I would validate and just say, "You're really anxious about," whatever it is. Just acknowledge it. Or number two, state what their wish is. "Wow, you really wish you could stay here longer, but it, we have to go." Like, those are two just simple, not a long in-depth thing, but just validate and state what that wish is, and then just be kind of a soothing presence. 'Cause that anxiety, again, this isn't a state where they can learn or listen. They just need soothing, my son, he's so cute. He's like a little English man. If he gets that way- We get a glass of hot tea, and we don't talk until the tea is ready. So we steep our tea, we put some honey in it, we let it cool, and usually by the time the tea's ready, we've settled enough that we can, like, talk and have our glass of tea. Isn't that hysterical? But something like that, it's a soothe first really. That, that is so good because that is teaching, especially in the middle school age, that emotional intelligence. Mm-hmm. That is teaching to be aware of how you are feeling. And kids with the big emotions, sometimes it's they have these emotions at inconvenient times. Right. Yeah. And, and even sometimes these emotions , can be considered disrespectful in the moment. Right, right. How can a mom handle that child that's emotional, trying to regulate, but yet- Mm-hmm ... being disrespectful? How can a mom handle that portion? Hmm. I love that. Great question, and I love the idea of emotional intelligence. That's such a good word to, like, encapsulate what we're talking about. , So this is where limit setting comes in, and so for me, limit setting, there's a formula I like to use that comes from child-centered play therapy. So when you're setting the limit, you validate the feeling, you state a neutral limit, and then you give them a choice. So say, , my kid's yelling at me, and, "I hate you," and, "You don't understand," or whatever's happening. So I'm gonna validate the feeling. "Okay, you're really angry with me right now," but the neutral limit is- , "I'm not for yelling at. That's not what I'm here for." And then the choice would be, "You can either, like, take a minute and come back, and we can talk about it when you're ready to be more respectful, or we can sit down, and we can try again. But . i'm not gonna engage if it's gonna go this way." , And so I, I like that. I use that a lot in my head, is you have to practice it, but it's validate the feeling, neutral limit, and then give a choice. And then it's what do you choose? Do you wanna continue to have this conversation, or do you wanna take a break? , And it, it's interesting to see what happens. I, I'm amazed. I don't think it gets enough credit. Like, when you validate the feeling, "Oh, you're mad. I can see that you're angry," like, there's, there's a, like, a relaxation that hits them, even if they're upset. It's like, oh, you get it. Yes. And again, so now the connection is coming back into place. But that doesn't mean you get to yell at me or, you know, treat me any kind of way. But you're, it's okay to be mad, so that's, that's what I like to use. That is so good, and that helps diffuse when you're in the situation. Are there helpful skills that families can learn when they're not in the middle of a throes of a meltdown? Are there other ways- Yeah ... of, of talking about those things, healthier ways, and- Yeah ... and creating, just strengthening that resilience, that emotional- Yeah ... health for kids? Yeah. It's really modeling it. So I encourage parents to just talk it out loud. So if you're driving with your kid, and you're having a little road rage, say it out loud. "Gosh, wow, I am really getting frustrated with these cars. I, I'm gonna turn on some relaxing music," or, "I'm gonna just r- kind of take a breath and relax my shoulders 'cause I'm just noticing I'm, like, gripping the steering wheel so tight. So creating kind of a external narrative of your own kind of emotions helps, and then there's also kind of takes the shame off of it, of, okay, we all get mad, we all get whatever kind of way. , The other thing honestly is have fun together. You know, when you can just have fun and play games, f- there's something about having fun where a lot of different things might get experienced in that opportunity that you didn't necessarily see coming. , But it strengthens the connection, and it, it strengthens the bond a lot. I, I'll tell you a story really quick. My youngest son and I were gonna go... I had this whole day planned where we were gonna spend time together, and I was gonna teach him a lesson about how to handle his emotions. Like, this is such a therapist thing to do, I guess. But anyways, and so we're going through the day, and he's so irritated with me 'cause he's like, "I thought we were just gonna go take a walk and we were gonna go fish, and now we're, like, having all these lectures and lessons." And he w- it was no fun at all. It did not go well. Nothing Nothing got gained in terms of on his side. But I recognized, I stepped back and I was like, okay, you know, if I was him and I was thinking I'm just gonna go have a fun time with my mom, but actually she has this, like, agenda to teach me how to be self-controlled, like, no thank you. And so we had a redo, and we just went and had fun and just enjoyed each other. And we did actually end up, like, having this great, you know, discussion and, and he just shared really is what it was. He told me what was going on with him, and I could kind of give him a little guidance and ask questions. But it came up more organically, and just sort of letting it work itself out. And that's something we say in play therapy a lot, is trust the child and trust the process. You know, I think sometimes we think we have to make it be so, but trusting that, okay, Lord, this child is made in your image, and so there's something in- innate in them that's gonna grow and develop, and I don't have to micromanage it. And yes, there's gonna be things that I'm gonna have to discipline and deal with, but there's also this beauty of being created in the image of Christ that I can just trust is, is happening. Like, if I plant a lemon tree, I don't have to, like, micromanage it. I need to water it and make sure it gets sun, but it's gonna grow and it's gonna give me lemons, so that will maybe help parents step back a little bit, you know, and just have fun, enjoy your kid, I love that. I love that. I'm... So I'm not the only one that goes into events with- Yeah ... with hidden motives and agendas. I was like- And then find out it doesn't go well. No, it was so... I was so busted. I was like, "Oh, gosh," I know. So. I know. But let me ask you this, because, you know, sometimes I've been in situations with my kids where it escalated. Mm. And then- Is it okay later, like after it's deescalated, and it's been handled, and it's been , resolved- Okay ... is it okay, you were talking about having fun. Is it okay- Mm-hmm ... to, to laugh about it and to learn from it after that? Yes. Is that okay? Oh, for sure, please laugh at it. If you can, and like, you know, no one's too offended by it, yeah. That's what my husband has taught me. I'm gonna be so for real. He's taught me, "Jenny, we gotta be able to laugh at ourselves, and just take it a little less seriously, " and it does help. It really does help. And, and I encourage parents, like, to laugh at themselves, absolutely. Like, I can't believe I did that. I'm so sorry. What was I thinking, yeah, it is. Yeah. It's, it's a great, a great thing to be able to laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves too seriously. Now, , you were talking about, we were talking about respecting kids earlier. Mm-hmm. How, how can moms help children name what they are feeling- Mm, mm, mm, mm ... without embarrassing the child or- Mm ... , correcting the child, or paralyzing the child, or, or even analyzing the child? How- Right ... how can a mom help the emotional- Mm intelligence aspect of a child- Mm, mm, mm ... without embarrassing them? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Y- y- I think part of it is building the relationship, you know, and where f- doing fun things is gonna help with that, , so that they feel comfortable to say. 'Cause el- sometimes I don't realize I'm embarrassing my kid. I think now is a great time to talk about it, and I need them to let me know that it's not. And, , so- You know, forming that just foundation is gonna be key. The other thing is Like, like I said before, like car time for us in our house is a really good time to talk. And, and I'll just say, they'll be talking and I'll just say like, "It sounds like you're mad," and, and they'll correct you. They'll say, "No, Mom, I'm not mad, I'm hurt." Or, "No, Mom, I'm not mad, I'm overwhelmed." Oh, that's what it is. It doesn't matter if I got it wrong. It's like throwing a wet noodle on the wall, if it sticks or not, it, but it gets them thinking about what it is. And I, I don't know if you guys have ever h- heard or talked about 📍 Dan Siegel. He has a lot of really good parenting books, and he talks about name it to tame it. And that when we can name an emotion, it doesn't fix the problem, but it does help them kind of contain it. Like, okay, this is anger. It's a thing. It's something we've all felt and will continue to feel. And it, it does kind of bring it down a little bit to name it. And so I just encourage parents just to Just to throw it out there and see. If they're with their friends, maybe not so much then. Mm-hmm. You know, do it maybe more privately, , at the end of the day or a time when you can kind of just be together. Which leads me to think that it's probably wise as parents to have a regular pattern of communication time with- Right your child. Right. Maybe it's at the, a lot of people do it at the family supper table or- Mm-hmm ... breakfast table. Mm-hmm. , People have regular, , game nights where they play games- Right ... and talk about different things while- Yeah ... they're doing that. Mm-hmm. Just a, just a regular time that is- Right ... , that is for lack of a word, automated. Yes, right. Carved out. , That is timed, that- Mm-hmm ... that is carved out. Mm-hmm. That is, that is readily available- Yeah ... that almost, almost if a mo- a mom can sort of go in and do it maybe with a hidden agenda, like- Right ... "I'm gonna get to the bottom of this at our next meeting together." Right, right. Yeah. It's not the wait till your dad gets home anymore. Right. It's the wait till the family meeting. We'll talk about it then. And moms are so busy. You know, moms- Yeah ... are working. Moms have their own, the household chores. They're working inside the home- Yes ... definitely. Right. And then sometimes both inside and outside. Sometimes also- Yeah ... helping their spouse and their business- Mm-hmm or a fa- Mm-hmm ... or taking care of extended family members. Yeah. Moms are busy, so moms a lot of times don't have time, clarity of mind to think about it in the midst- Right ... of their life either. And so having those regular sit down, maybe doing something together times- Mm-hmm ... is- Or maybe the regular thing is, all right, we're gonna fold clothes together and get this pile of laundry tackled as a family. It's, you know, or we're gonna go in the yard and we're gonna get some yard work done together. Like, take some of that load off Mom and Dad, get the kids involved. 'Cause even though they're not necessarily gonna initially want to, they're gonna feel good afterwards, and that's gonna build resiliency. Yeah. Or- So that, you know, it, it doesn't always have to be fun and glamorous and shiny and magical. You know, sometimes it's working together, yeah. And, and that can be an opportunity to connect and talk and- And do a lot, get a lot done, so. And that you talk about our ancestors, I mean, they, they did the farm together. Right. They did the cooking together. , I love to think about moms in the kitchen with their kids, you know, cooking. Mm-hmm. Just helping along with the family chores. Yeah. I think that that is so beneficial for us all. Come help. Right. Come help me. Now, I do want to talk about your book, Ginny. Sure. You wrote a book, Made for This. Mm-hmm. And it uses storytelling to help families discuss their big feelings in a fun, playful way. Right. What were you hoping it would provide families about raising resilient kids? Yeah. It's, it's 📍 more for elementary school kids, you know. It's a, it's an otter. You can kind of see it behind me. It's an, a little otter and it's mom. And so it's for elementary school kids. My hope was that kids could read it and they could notice, kind of fear and struggle in this otter, right? It's not my struggle. It's not my fear. It's this otter's fear. So it gives you a little bit of distance from it, and I'm hoping that kids and parents can kind of notice some of the features around being afraid, scared to try something new, and see what happens and understand, like, "Oh, my body might get tight. It might be hard to think. , I might, , just feel, feel that kind of overwhelmed emotion or whatever. , And then how do I, how do I help? You know, how do I kind of soothe the body? How do I- recognize the thoughts of, you know, "I can't do it," or, "This is too much." And so it's just a, a way for them to kind of be curious and open to noticing fear and anxieties and what those can look like. But then the idea of you're made for this, you know, you're made for these hard things. So you do have it within you to do whatever the hard thing is. You were created with it. And so getting on the other side of that hard thing, and having support, you know, you're not alone in it, but there's things that you're gonna have to do that are gonna be outside of your comfort zone to, to do it. So it, it was, been a great book. A lot of teachers have used it in classrooms, , and families have used it at home, too. But it just resonates with kids, you know, kids love otters, so they love the playfulness of the character, but they love that they can talk about the fear f- with a, with a little bit of distance. You know, it's the otter's fear, it's not my fear, so that helps. And I wanted to talk about that a little bit more, but let me just say, 📍 faith mom- . if you're finding this conversation helpful and would enjoy more faith-based content like this to help you on your faith mom journey, be sure to subscribe to the channel. We share practical encouragement, biblical wisdom, and expert conversations designed to support you as you navigate motherhood with faith and confidence. And Jenny, as you were talking about the otter, and talking about- Mm-hmm ... the separated feelings, for Christian moms, we want our children to know their emotions are real, but their emotions are not their identity. That's right. And how can moms help children process the feelings- Mm, mm, mm, mm ... while reminding them who they are in God's love and care? That's exactly right. I love that. Yeah, it's so interesting, isn't it? I, I was reading, you know, where Jesus is at Lazarus's tomb, and he weeps. Mm. So he's having this emotional moment of sadness and grief even though he knows, "I'm about to raise this guy from the dead," and that's been such a powerful Scripture for me about the role of our emotions, that there's room for both. I can be scared, and I can decide to put my trust in God and choose to do this hard thing. You know, and, and so I think sometimes we think, "Oh, I can't have that emotion because I am a person of faith or because of who I am in Christ," and we can have that emotion. It's, it's just an emotion. It's a sensation. It's, it's just a natural thing that happens. But what do we do next, and so Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead. Yeah. You know, he didn't just roll around in the mud of his tears and sadness, so I, I love the idea of allowing ourselves to acknowledge how we feel, but not allowing that emotion to determine what we do, or what we choose, or h- how we act necessarily, that we still have that s- you know, strength around our emotions to bring support and make, you know, godly decisions that, you know, we can move towards God that way. And another thing is, , for Christians especially, is the Psalms. You know, if you look at David, he does such a good job of expressing his emotion, and then he makes this pivot. You know, "But I trust in the Lord. But I wait on Him," you know, "But I put my hope in Him." And, and I'm hoping that Christians and families can practice that, that we can express whatever we're feeling, and then we can say, "Okay, but I'm gonna choose to put my hope and my faith in God as I wait on Him, as I struggle." But that there's room for that emotion to be acknowledged, yes. And reading those psalms with your kids. Right. Reading them with your kids, because it ma- it gives language- Yes ... for the emotion. So that- Yes ... would you recommend that if a mom is wondering, if she feels overwhelmed, if she feels anxious, emotionally, like, shut down- Mm-hmm that reading the psalms would be the first one small step that she could take? I would love that. Yes, yes, absolutely. Yeah, read the psalms. You know, Psalm 23, P- Psalm 27, like, so many of them, you know, they were sung out loud. Like, can you imagine you go to church and you're just singing about your anguish and your bones are drying up, I mean, so, , as Christians nowadays, we don't really talk about it like that, but they sang it in church, so I think that helps kind of get rid of the shame and embarrassment around it, too. But absolutely, yeah, get in there with the psalms. Or even if they just wanted to... Something I do a lot in my devotions is I will, in my journal, I'll trace a circle, and I'll, I'll just imagine that that circle is a place where it's just whatever I'm feeling, whatever is going on in my head, I can just put it in this circle, and it can just be held in, like, that security. It's not gonna run off the page. It's not gonna take over. It's just contained. And, and so I'll just- Pour out whatever I want in that circle. And then I'll start to pray and I'll, and I'll ask the Lord, say, "God, what do you want me to know? What do you say about this? What does your word say?" And I might pick, like, a different color or something, and I'll, like, bring that into the circle with, like, pictures or images or verses and, and just sort of see how that kind of grows and develops. , But yeah. It's like you can practice those psalmist prayers yourself of expressing your emotion and then, okay, but I trust in you kind of thing. And I, I really love how you say that even you as an adult draw pictures. Mm-hmm. How you as an adult, , draft things on paper. Yes. I think that we are learning that that's how our brain processes things sometimes- Yes is to get them out, is to draw. Mm-hmm. And especially for middle schoolers who are artistic or- Right ... who enjoy that. Yes. That is a... Or who have trouble putting their emotions into words. Yes. A lot of times emotions can be brought out in pictures. Yeah. And so that encouragement was so, , eye-opening to me right there, how you said that, you know, processing those emotions through- Mm-hmm your own drawing and how moms can use that in their own family. Absolutely. Stick figures, squiggles. It doesn't have to be art, you know. It can just be a simple image. And with middle schoolers, when they come to see me, I almost always have paper and pens out. And, and I'll just give them a circle and I'll just say, "You know, take a minute, notice what's going on, and just put it in a circle. It might be a green squiggly line. It might be a cloud. It might be a sunshine. Like, if you could just kind of see what the, what it's like in there and give it an image, what would you do?" And so many times, that just goes so much better for them. You know, to ha- to find words is, like, so many extra steps, where finding images, it's, it's just easier. It's easier to connect with those deeper places using imagery, so. And it helps keep focus longer too probably as well. It does. It does. Yes, it does. Yeah. And even if you did, like, diamond painting, I don't know if any of the middle schoolers around y'all do that. Have you heard of that? I haven't. Diamond painting? I haven't. Oh my goodness. 📍 So it's like paint by numbers. Where, but, but it's these little gems, and you... So you have a picture, say, of a dog, and it's already, like, printed out, and it's sticky. And you have gems, and you have this little pen, and you put the gems on whatever the spot is on the dog, and then you have this, like, really fun s- dog. It's so relaxing. Middle schoolers love it. And you can do one together. But it's the same kind of thing. It's, like, keeping you focused, kind of giving your mind, like, something visual and, you know. So anyway, yeah, diamond painting- That's great ... or art. Oh, it's so fun. Yeah, it's a great one for middle schoolers, for sure. So. And definitely the more we can focus our middle schoolers, the better we are. God bless, yes., Jenny, how can our Faith Mom community connect with you, learn more about Made for This- Oh, sure ... and find the resources that you create for families? I would love 📍 that. So I have a website. So if you go to Ms. Jenny Books, so M-S J-E-N-N-Y B-O-O-K-S .com. So I have a website, and there's YouTube videos, there's links, there's, different resources there. And then they can email me, so [email protected] is my email. I'm on Instagram, I'm on YouTube, I'm on TikTok, I'm on all the places, they can look me up. But I love... I make lots of videos for parents and for kids and middle schoolers, so th- they'll find some stuff that could be helpful for them. Excellent, excellent. Jenny, thank you so much for sharing- Yes ... your heart, wisdom, and practical encouragement with us today. I know this conversation will help so many Christian moms feel less overwhelmed- Amen and more equipped as they guide their children through big feelings, hard moments, and everyday struggles. Faith mom, I hope today reminded you that building resilience in children is not accomplished in one perfect conversation. Mm-hmm. Resilience grows through connection, patience, practice, and the steady love we offer our children as we point them back to the Lord. Whether you are navigating middle school parenting, supporting a child through tween emotions, or helping an anxious child, remember that healthy Christian parenting starts with connection. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is practice connection before correction, and create space for our children to feel seen, heard, and loved. If you need some Christian mom encouragement today, remember this: your child does not need a perfect mom. Your child needs a present mom, one who is willing to listen, learn, repair, and keep showing up with love and faith. As you continue raising kids for God through intentional faith-based parenting, trust that God is at work in both you and your child. He is growing resilience, strengthening character, and shaping hearts, even in the challenging moments. We will link all of Jenny's details in the description, so please reach out, learn more about Made For This, and explore the support she offers for families. Thank you for joining us today on the Faith Mom Mentor. 📍 📍 If you enjoyed this conversation and want more faith-based encouragement and practical parenting support, be sure to subscribe and let us know in the comments. We'd love to continue helping you on your faith mom journey. Keep showing up, keep speaking life, keep nurturing your family's faith and emotional well-being as you continue raising resilient kids for the glory of God.
