Faith mom, have you ever been so busy being dependable, helpful, and good for everyone else that you quietly started wondering, "Where did I go?"
You keep showing up, you keep serving, you keep carrying the needs of your family, but inside, you may feel invisible. Today's conversation is for the overwhelmed Christian mom who needs to hear this: You do not have to disappear to be a faithful mom. You can come back to who you are in Christ and still love your family well.
My guest today is LaTonya Renee Flood, a servant leader, kingdom strategist, Christian life coach, author, and faith-driven entrepreneur who helps women stop confusing usefulness with identity. LaTonya, welcome to the Faith Mom Mentor. Thank you so much for having me. I, I always consider it an honor to be on platforms and have the, the privilege to speak, so thank you.
Well, we're glad you're here, and LaTonya, let's go right into the heart of this conversation. You say many high-achieving women do not have a - work ethic problem, they have an identity problem. And I think so many moms understand that, because motherhood can make us feel useful all day long, but still disconnected from who God says we are.
What is the difference between being useful and having a clear identity in Christ, and why does that matter for moms walking through motherhood and faith? Yeah, so the first thing that helped me is to understand that my children are God's children, and they're just my assignment here on Earth. Like, I, I have been privileged to have these children as my responsibility to lead them and to train them the way that God wants them to be.
So one thing that I, I, I, I gave myself this title, and I encourage every woman and father, um, to be a domestic CEO. What that means is just be intentional. You're n- you're just not waking up, going through the motions like, "Oh, let me fix breakfast. Oh, let me pack lunch. Oh, let me help with homework."
Everything has to have an intent behind it because when God created us, He, He is very intentional, and we were created in His image, therefore, we need to be intentional as well. So when I'm cooking, it's not like, "Oh, let me get through another meal." I'm putting on the praise and worship music. I'm encouraging my kids to sing and praise God with me, and to help, and to enjoy that moment together so it won't feel like it's just another chore.
But it's actually just being present in the moment. And, um, as we... I, I know everybody is different with, um, their budget and what they can afford, but when you understand the, the different types of food and the options out there, and you, and you have a chance to and, and invite and encourage your family to eat healthy.
It feels good to be able to prepare a meal from scratch, and the kids are loving it, and you're like, "Man, they're eating non-processed foods." Like, this is a great thing. So I think the thing- Win-win ... the key is, the, you're right, exactly, a win. If you, if you understand our identity in God and you understand that this is an assignment, then you'll be able to steward it a lot better.
And you understand that if he gave you this assignment, he ask- he also gave you the grace to get through it. He actually gave you, like, some of our kids, like my, my oldest, my, well, my middle child gave my husband and I a run for our money. Man, let me tell you, I would be on a Zoom call just like this, and he would be on the other side of the call pushing the chairs down, and I'm covering my mouth.
I'm on mute like, "Boy, I'ma get you later." But you have to know, like, if my child is acting out like this, if, if God gave him to me as an assignment, that means there's something in me that he needs from me, um, to mother him. Like, I can do it. God wouldn't have given this child to me if I couldn't do it. If, I, I- Mm-hmm
I am the mother he needs, not anybody else. I am. So I talk a lot, so I hope I answered the question- Yeah, that was- ... because sometimes I go all the way around the question. That, that was great. And it's just a reminder that God's grace is sufficient for all things. Yes. And so many moms would never say, "I am having an identity crisis."
They may just say, "I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. I'm feeling visible. I do not even know who I am anymore," and maybe even, "I love my family, but I feel like I am disappearing." Mm. What are some signs that a woman is losing herself to her roles, responsibilities, or other people's expectations? Well, the, the, for me, the easiest way is to feel that burnout.
If you're, like, exhausted all the time, I'm not saying, like, if you were outside gardening and you're tired. I'm saying mentally drained. That usually happens when we're pouring out and nothing's being poured back into us. So if our identity is grounded in Christ, you have to be who you are at all times.
Like, we have different ro- uh, help me, help me, Holy Spirit. So, okay, so you have, you could be a mo- a mom, and then, and you're also a wife, and then you're also at the church. So you, like, you have different roles, right? But throughout each role, you should still be fully who you are. You should never tone down yourself.
If you are fun and quirky, you should be fun and quirky with the kids. You shouldn't have to feel like, "Oh, I have to be so rigid and disciplined," because if you're not fully operating out of the spiritual gifts and the characteristics that God has blessed you with, at the end of the day you're gonna feel so drained and depleted because God is, when, as you pour out, He pours in.
But He can't pour into something that's not authentic. So if you're not fully showing up as who you are, the fun quirkiness at the church, the fun and quirkiness at the job, the fun and quirkiness with the w- as the wife and as the mom, then you're gonna feel drained and depleted, confused, depressed. The- these are signs that your identity is not rooted And another thing I feel like most moms, and I, I'm s- again, I speak for myself, come from the mentality like, "Oh, I can't put myself first," like, "I, I cannot get a massage today because I gotta take the kids to this, or I gotta, I gotta do this, I gotta make sure the dishes are done."
Those dishes will be fine. The, the house don't have to be perfect all the time. Like, God literally understand. He's not up there with a notebook, "She left that cup on the counter again." Like, he's not, he's not doing that. So we need to not do that, you know, to ourselves. And y- we gotta take the, the lead like at the airplane, you know.
Before we take a flight, they always say, you know, something happen, put on your mask first, 'cause if you can't breathe, you can't help your child. And it's the same thing, like we have to put our identity and ourselves first. So take care of yourself. If you need to get a massage weekly, monthly, or quarterly, do that.
My children know I take baths. In my bath times, I'm watching a whole movie or spending time with Father. So they know, like, don't even knock on the door for two hours. If no one's not bleeding or in dangers, don't bother me. Like, that's just my time. And the kids, they understand that if we communicate it with them, because they also need their time, too, you know?
So. Yeah. I think your key there is communication. Yes. That it's important to communicate those boundaries. The... And, and what you have said here is so especially important for the mom who is the steady one, the strong one, the organized one, the one everyone counts on. Mm-hmm. In biblical motherhood parenting, we want to serve our families well, and we want to be faithful.
We want to love sacrificially. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But sometimes service becomes pressure instead of overflow. Yes. And sometimes we start believing, "If I am a good Christian mom, I should not need anything. I should not feel unseen. I should not struggle with this." Mm-hmm. How do high-achieving women, LaTonya, end up feeling invisible even though everyone depends on them?
They feel that way because I, I, I, I hate to be redundant. It's genuinely because they don't... They're not walking in their full purpose. So let's, let's give an example of a, a mom who is a CEO at a job, and the man- she's always getting praise , and she's always moving up and helping the company.
But if deep down, God has given her an assignment to have her own business, and she knows that, when she gets home, even though they're like... To the attagirl, and the pat on the back, and the raising, like I said w- like you said earlier, it's not because she's lazy. She has excellent work ethic. It's just that she's applying it to the wrong...
She's applying it to the counterfeit version of herself. So when she gets home, she feels like, "Man, I, I, I'm not even doing what I'm designed to do. Like, I'm doing things, but this isn't what I was created to do. Like, I'm supposed to be doing something else, maybe running a nonprofit, maybe joining the, the church full-time."
Like, I don't know. We all have different purposes, right? So as a high-achieving woman, if you're not, again, I, I hate to be sounding like the pre- They're gonna be like, "Dang, all she ta- talk about is identity, identity, identity." If you're not rooted in your identity, if you're not understanding exactly who God called you to be specifically You're gonna be lost and depressed, and you're not gonna be seen, and you're not seen because you're not showing up.
Oh, that, that is so good. And faith mom, 📍 if this conversation is helping you put words to something you have been carrying quietly, take a second and like this video. It helps other moms find this kind of faith-based encouragement too. And LaTonya, I want to ask you, your story is so powerful because you've lived this.
You were the dependable one, the helper, the supporter, the strong one. And from the outside, that can look responsible, and it can even look godly, right? Right. But inside, a woman may be quietly disappearing. Can you walk us through the moment you realized you were disappearing into everyone else's needs?
And what began to change as you started finding yourself in Christ again? So I'm gonna share with you a vision. I've shared this story a couple times, but I think it's very, um, meaningful in this moment. So i'm standing up in my kitchen. I think I was washing dishes. And, like, in the middle of me, like, washing a plate or something, I felt like God snatched me out of my reality, and he dropped me into a different reality, and I'm building a house with my hands. I'm...
There's bricks, and I'm putting up the bricks, getting my foundation ready. And as I'm building my house, friends, families, neighbors, people I knew and didn't know would come by and say, "Hey, do you mind if I get some bricks?" And I'm like, "Look at all these bricks. Absolutely." And all day, I'm just passing out bricks, and I'm so happy because it feels good to help somebody.
Like, it f- it feels great. The sun goes down. I'm looking at the neighborhood, and I see all these amazing, beautiful, big houses, and I'm just, like, so fulfilled because I'm like, "Oh, I had something to do with that. The Lord used me. He allowed me to help these people build what they wanted to build. I can't wait to see my house."
And I turned around, and then I realized in that moment- I didn't have enough bricks to even complete my own foundation. And then I got snatched back into the kitchen washing dishes, and I was like, first it took me a moment to realize, what just happened? 'Cause where, where did I go? I'm like, "Lord, what are you trying to reveal to me?
What was that?" And I remember feeling as, when I was standing out there looking at the house, how sad I was that I didn't have a house. I helped everybody else, but I had nothing? Nothing to help my family? Where would I sleep? Now I have to go and ask people Oh, I'm trying to fight back tears just even thinking about that moment, because that's literally what life was w- was f- was for me - Because-
for so many years. Like, I helped so many people, so many businesses become successful, so many people call for advice, and I was right there. I was that girl giving everything, but I was never pouring into myself. I was never believing God with the business that he told me. I, I was never doing what he asked me to do.
Um, so that's the moment I had the wake-up call to stop people-pleasing and to stop putting other people's assignment ahead of mine. Mm. And that is not a selfish or a wrong thing to build first, 'cause that's what God wants. He wants us to build first, and because of the overflow, there would've been so many bricks left over.
It would've been more than enough for me to still do everything else. . And I wouldn't feel so empty at night afterwards, so. Yeah. It reminds me of the story of the talents. The people who had the talents, they took what they were given from God, and they multiplied it, but they still kept... They, they increased what they had themselves.
And so what you're saying is, I felt so depleted. It wasn't until I let God help me keep what he had given me, and increase what he had given me, rather than depleting myself to pour it out to others. Yeah. For, for the Faith Mom, LaTonya, and for the Faith Mom mentor community, we, we don't want identity become self-focused in a worldly way.
Mm. We want Christian moms to be rooted in Christ, and shaped by scripture, and live out in faith-filled motherhood. Oh. Because the goal, LaTonya, the goal is not to abandon our responsibilities. The goal is to lead, and love, and serve, and disciple our children from a place of wholeness instead of pressure- Yes
like you were just , mentioning. How does faith shape the work of building a Christian woman's identity, and what does it mean to align God's design for your life? Oh my gosh. Faith plays a huge part because that all, that all starts in the mind is believing something, right? That you cannot...
That's literally outside of yourself. It happens. So I'm gonna go back to, like, my son when he was, uh, during his challenging times. Like, I had to have, I had to have had faith. Like, I'm called to be his mom, so I know we're gonna get through this. So I just kept leaning on God to help me say and do the right things to nurture him and to guide him, , to where he has to go.
For me, alignment means is simply, like, setting aside my agendas, my goals, and my desires, and just talking to God, and asking hi- asking him to renew my mind.
And I just want what you want. I w- I wanna be who you called me to be. I wanna do who... I wanna do what you called me, me to do. So it helps me not pop off, you know? When my son gets a little f- my kids get a... You know, I have a older daughter too. Lord, raising a, an adult child is a whole nother, is a whole nother ballpark.
Yeah. Um, so I don't wanna pick on my middle chi- my middle kid. All my kids can be challenging in their own ways, but if I understand my assignment, and if I align myself with God, it helps me to be more grounded and more calm, and be able to, to talk to them like I'm supposed to, and not lose control. And then even still, when I do lose control, I'm at the place now where I'm not...
I guess, I, I don't know if it's a Black culture thing or the time, but where I came from, if the parents did something or yelled at you, they never said sorry. They came in the room a little later like, "Oh, do you want some ice cream?" Like, that that was their way of saying, "I'm sorry," or, "I'm wrong." That, that, but that wasn't something that they would say, but I'm not like that.
I, I go to my children and I'm honest. I'm like, "I lost control, and I am... God is still working on me, and there are areas in my life where I'm still growing, and I'm sorry, because the way that I, I yelled just now, it was wrong. It was- very wrong, and I'm sorry. I s- I meant what I said, and I still stand by it, because it's my job to train you.
It's my job to cultivate you, and it's my job to discipline you. But I should have been able to control my emotions and communicate it with you a better way." And, uh, you mentioned it earlier about communication is, is very important, and I have learned that this last, I think, three months have been way better with my relationship with my children because of the way I communicate.
And I make sure that I always point everything to God. Like, if I say Don't watch TV when I'm, when I'm not home. You should be strong enough to not watch TV, because you're supposed to honor your parents because that's what the Bible says. That's what God wants, and He is watching. And at the end of the day, I am not judging anything.
You're not listening to me because I said so. You're listening to me because it's what God requires. So I always make sure that when I'm teaching them, I point them to the Word, and I encourage them to read the Word for themselves, and I, and we have open dialogue. Like, my 10-year-old have to read a chapter, well, dur- th- during school.
Summer's a little different, but throughout school, when he first gets home, the first thing he does is he read a chapter of the Bible, and then I tell him, "Pray about it. Why did God want you to, what did God want you to get out of that verse? Why do you think He wrote that? How does that apply to you?" And then write that down.
But I think that goes back into an alignment, like if, if we're, if w- if we understand the will of God, and the only way to understand that is to not just read the Word, study the Word, but actually have a dialogue and, and con- and con- and converse with him 24/7 so you can understand what His will is and His desire in the moment, and then you'll be able to, to implement it.
That sounds so good. That, that is, all you've said is so on point. You have to have God's Word to know what His will is, and then you have to rehearse that will through prayer. Prayer is like an exchange. You're exchanging your will for God's will. One of the things about Saul on the road to Damascus, one of the first things God said about him is he prays, and that was just him exchanging Saul's will for what God's will was.
He was the Lord. "What do you want me to do?" Saul said. And so that's so good. I want to talk about humility versus hiding, though. Um, we think being humble means just staying small, silent, unseen, or constantly available, but true humility does not erase what God created, and faithful motherhood does not require a mom to disappear.
How can a woman know the difference between humility versus hiding? And what would you say to the mom who has been, who has used being good or being humble as a reason to disappear? I was, I'ma, I'ma say this one thing, and I think it addresses everything that you said, and I'm gonna tell you exactly what God told me 'cause I had a problem with being in the light, the spotlight on me.
I frowned away from it because in my experience, the people that has the power or authority over certain positions or leading the way, the ones who's out in front, they not living right and I don't want no part of that. That's what I always thought. That's what I told myself. And the Lord was like, "Girl, it's not about you I need people to see the light inside of you so that they can see me.
So if you're not in the forefront, they won't be able to see me through you. I can't use you like that." That did it for me. Sir, yes, sir. Like, on it. Like... And then w- so i- and th- and the humility part is when I am in the forefront, when it is, the conversation is around me, when I'm reading my book or, or doing something, or when I'm coaching, I am doing this with the understanding that I'm only here by the grace of God.
I'm using the spiritual gifts, and I'm just reflecting what's inside of me. It's not me, myself. I'm just showing you Jesus. So take that understanding, 'cause anything outside of that is what the enemy wants you. He wants you to hide. He wants you to dim your light. He wants you to feel like how he had me, believe in this lie that being in the light or being spotlighted, so to speak, or being rewarded was wrong and it was dirty.
But that's, that's not the truth. You just have to know that it's because of Jesus, and make sure that you always give God honor and glory, then it's fine. It's a reflection. We are a- Right ... reflection of His image. It's like a mirror on the wall. You know, the mirror is humble. It reflects whatever is in front of it.
Exactly. And that's the way, the way Satan wants to do is, oh, you create your own image in yourself, but that's not what you're saying. You're saying, just stand in front of the mirror and reflect who God has created you to be. I love that. Faith Mom, 📍 if you want more conversations on biblical motherhood, Christian parenting, and knowing God deeply while teaching your children faithfully, subscribe to this Christian Mom podcast so you do not miss the next episode of the Faith Mom Mentor.
Now, LaTonya, there is a mom listening right now, and she loves God and she loves her family and wants to serve well, but she is exhausted. She is tired. She may be dealing with the mom burnout. She may just feel stuck, and she may be wondering where she went in the process of caring for everyone else, and she may need to hear this today. You do not have to disappear to be a faithful mom. You can come back to who you are in Christ and still love your family well.
What exhausted mom encouragement would you give that mom today, and what is one simple first step she can take this week to come back to the truth of who she is in Christ? I meant the simplest, easiest, what most people would be like, "Ah." They always say that. It's just literally have a conversation with our Father.
Go somewhere, I don't care if it's a closet, the, the tub, in your car, in your bed, on your knees, standing up, laying down. Just go somewhere, just you and Him, and just cast your cares, man. Just tell Him how you feel. Like, He wants to be your comforter. He wants to be there for you. He wants you to lay down all your burdens and just tell Him.
And then most importantly, after you released all that, take a few moments, minutes, or hours to listen to His response, because He will speak to you. And trust what you hear That last part, trust what you hear, that is key. That is so important. LaTonya, I know you have resources for women who are ready to move from identity crisis to holy confidence, and I love that this gives women a next step.
Because when a mom realizes she has been disappearing, she needs more than inspiration, she needs a faith-based path forward. So how can the Faith Mom community connect with you, learn more about your upcoming book, and get on the wait list? Oh, absolutely. So, 📍 the best way to connect with me is my website, which is my full name, www.latonyarenaeflewd.com, and everything is right there.
I try to make it as easy as possible. Oh, that sounds so good. LaTonya, thank you so much for being on the Faith Mom Mentor. And please, mom, connect with LaTonya and her resources. LaTonya, thank you for reminding us that our responsibilities are important, - but they are not our identity.
And Faith Mom, if 📍 today's conversation spoke to your heart, I want to encourage you to click the link in the description to learn more about LaTonya's book, connect with her work, and get on the wait list. And remember this, you do not have to disappear to be a faithful mom. You can come back to who you are in Christ and still love your family well.
In Christ, you can lead, serve, love, and disciple your children from a place of wholeness instead of pressure and stress. Thank you for joining us on Faith Mom Mentor. Keep knowing God deeply and teaching your middle schooler faithfully.
