Faith Mom, have you ever wondered, "Am I doing enough?" If you're an overwhelmed Christian mom carrying pressure, perfectionism, and mom guilt, you are not alone. Today, I'm joined by Andrea Foronberry, host of the Perfectionists Guide to Mothering podcast and author of Two Minute Time Outs for New Moms. She shares biblical encouragement and simple ways to release perfectionism and begin choosing joy in motherhood. Andrea, welcome to the Faith Mom Mentor. Oh, Ann, thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to chat with you today. Well, we're excited about what you have to say. Many moms listening today love their families. They deeply, but they feel so tired and stretched like they are constantly falling short. When an overwhelmed mom is carrying that kind of pressure, where would you encourage her to begin? I would encourage her to ask why. Why is she feeling that way? I think so much of the pressure that we feel, we put on ourselves because we want to do the best for our family. We want to love them perfectly. And there's so many messages in the world that tell us how to do that. So, we can often get confused about what we should be doing because we're trying to, you know, we're hearing and following all of these other people and what they have to say. But truly, I have found that I'm less overwhelmed when I lean into who God made me to be and take off the pressure from the world. Take off the pressure that I put onselves to be perfect and instead listen to God's voice the loudest and then live in grace. Because none of us as moms are going to do this perfectly even though we really want to. we're not going to do it perfectly, but instead having the mindset that God is with us and that he'll fill in the gaps where we fall short. That has just really helped me to live more confidently and hopeful instead of overwhelmed and defeated. What a refreshing perspective. And ladies, Andrea's book, Two Minute Times Outs for New Moms, is such a helpful resource for finding small moments of encouragement right in the middle of your day, and we'll link it in the description. So, check it out there. Now, Andrea, your podcast is called The Perfectionist Guide to Mothering. How does Christian mom perfectionism quietly show up in Christian motherhood, especially for moms who genuinely want to honor God in their homes and build strong family faith? I think one of the biggest ways is shame. Shame for feelings that we have. I I know many moms, myself included, longed to be a mom. Like even when we were little girls into growing up and then when it happened, it's so much harder than anyone can explain to you. And so then you feel the shame of God, I am struggling and I I don't always like this because it's so hard. I'm tired. I'm overwhelmed. My body hurts. Like everyone needs me. Like I just need a quiet moment. And I think we feel shame about that because we thought motherhood would be joyful and blissful all the time. And it's actually really hard. So we feel shame about that. We feel shame for when we mess up. I remember when my kids were little like one at one time, you know, accidentally um pinching chubby little legs in the car seat. And I just felt so much shame like I should have paid more attention, you know, I hurt my child. older. Then when our kids get older and we snap at them or we say something in a tone we shouldn't have, we just feel the shame of like, I love God and how could I have acted that way to my kids? But again, God didn't create us to be perfect and if we were perfect, our kids wouldn't need Jesus. So, we get to model and show them the beauty of the gospel in our home by apologizing and seeking forgiveness. But I think we feel really ashamed when we mess up or again have feelings of sometimes needing a break or wanting to be away from our kids who we really love so much but they can just drive us crazy sometimes. Yeah. When you were speaking just then it reminded me of the old Cowgone commercial. Cowgone take me away. For those in the in our age bracket you probably remember that on TV. But um I'd like to go a little bit deeper in what you were just saying there. And would you what has God taught you? Would you share what God has taught you personally about letting go of possibly unrealistic expectations and learning to live from that grace that you were talking about instead of the constant stressing in your journey as a faith-based mother? Sure. Yeah. Unrealistic expectations are something that I think we all carry. We just don't realize it. So, it could be unrealistic expectations of what we would be like as a mom. So, again, I was just so surprised when my kids were toddler, preschool age that I was getting so frustrated and angry and that I would sometimes yell at them because they weren't listening or paying attention. I felt like it was the only thing that would work in the moment. And so, I just was really Yeah. sad and frustrated and ashamed that that was reality. And I just thought I was going to be the perfect mom who was always like loving and patient and and I wasn't because I'm human and raising children is really hard. We also sometimes put unrealistic expectations on our children that they are going to be a specific way. So when I had both of my kids, I didn't find out their if they were going to be boy or girl ahead of time. And so when my first born, my daughter was born, I just unrealistically adopted the expectation that she was going to be just like me. When in fact, I was a very calm, compliant child. But then, in fact, my daughter turned out to be a little more like my husband. I forgot about his genetics in the equation. She turned out to be a little more strong willed, a little feisty. And so it just totally was a surprise and I didn't know how to parent her and I had to learn. And then I also I think had the unrealistic expectation that oh if I tell my children to do something once or twice they're going to always do it and obey the right away. And that's not the reality either because they're children. They're learning. They're growing. They're maturing. They don't they don't listen the first time. It takes so many times of teaching and correcting and disciplining your children. So once I realized that I needed to let go of my plans and my expectations of what life and motherhood would be like. I was able then to really just embrace the beauty of the mess and the chaos of motherhood there. Yes, there's those moments where everyone is dressed nicely and you know the day is smoothly. Like there's moments of that, but by and large it's just a lot of unexpected. It's a lot of figuring things out on the job, right? We don't go and learn all about motherhood um fully until we're in it. And and that's one of the best ways that we learn. So instead, just appreciating the beauty of what life really looks like instead of this picture maybe that we had. And then again, choosing grace for ourselves, for our spouse, for our kids in the reality of life. And that just really helps us instead of trying to live up to something that's not realistic. And that sounds like an intentional decision that you made to choose joy instead of fear, instead of all the other things, perfectionism that you could have chosen. and faith mom. If this is already encouraging your heart, would you take a second to like this video so more moms can find this kind of gracefilled help? Andrea, for moms of middle schoolers, the needs change so much. Like they can be one way one moment and the next day they've they've changed. And so moms sometimes are no longer caring for toddlers, but they are still carrying emotional, spiritual, and relational weight. How can moms of middle schoolers begin choosing joy in motherhood during this season without pretending everything is easy, especially when it feels so heavy? Oh, such great questions. And I love that you speak into this moms of middle school age because it is a change change and a shift and there is a lot of excitement about our kids getting older and development but there's also a lot of unknown like you said and it can feel it can feel heavy and and hard but what I found is I think sometimes I'll just throw this in that we have the expectation that girls in middle school and high school are you going to be emotional teenagers and all this, but boys are too. And so that was something I kind of was surprised like, oh, boys get moody too. Boys get easily annoyed with their moms too sometimes. But what I what I have tried to adopt as my kids have gotten older is yes, embracing every season and knowing that there are blessings and burdens in each season is just really helpful. Like yes, there are some seasons that are easier than others, but there's unique challenges to them, too. And what I found being a mom of a middle schooler was the learning to let go part of learning to let your kids experience some natural consequences and and realizing that that is often the best teacher. That letting your kids make mistakes and fail while they're with you in the home and not you stepping in to rescue them all the time. It's actually one of the biggest ways that they can learn. And as a mom, it's so hard because we want to fix everything and we want our kids to have this smooth, peaceful life, but really we prepare them well in the future by letting them make those mistakes. And so we can when our kids mess up, not take that as a complete reflection of, oh, I failed as a mom because my child messed up or got a bad grade or, you know, name the scenario. That's not entirely a reflection of us. Like I feel like we can only get partial credit for our kids' successes or for their mess ups because they are a unique person with a free will. And something that I I say often when my kids now have been growing up is like their brain is not fully developed. Like we have to remember this. They're going to make mistakes. And so, you know, in scripture over and over, like we're told to count it all joy when we experience suffering or trials of many kinds. So, as a mom, I think we can hold on to that as our kids go through trials and make mistakes and know that we our job isn't to rescue them. Our job is to walk alongside them and to point them to God who can help them and help us through the challenging scenarios. That is so refreshing. that was such liberating um knowledge information mindset that you that you've given just there and I think you were so right. we often want to protect. There was another interview that I did not too long ago with Brett Coleman and I'll link that interview here, but he said the same thing about letting your kids fail in middle school in like seventh grade, sixth, seventh grade was the best time for them to fail because the consequences were not as severe. And that's exactly what you were saying that their conse that the consequences of letting them fail and not rescuing them from failure is is best for moms because the consequences are not as severe. So I thank you for sharing that. I think that that's a really great insight. When you um you often say though when we're talking to moms who just have this um guilt for investing in theirelves, you often say when you invest in yourself, it is a direct blessing to your family. What do you mean by that? And why is soul care for moms not selfish but essential for healthy Christian parenting? Yes. I think as moms we feel guilt or you know we feel like we're taking away from our family when we invest in ourselves. So that could be an investment of money like we want to go to school, we want to go to counseling, we want to go get a massage, right? Like so caring for ourselves often costs money and so we feel guilty about that or we feel guilty about the time. Those things take time. Like how, you know, I'm taking away from my family or I remember again when my kids were really little sometimes I was like, I just need a night to myself. Like I just need to go out. I don't even have to spend any money. I just need to be by myself. But I would feel guilty about that. But here's what I learned is that when I did take the time and it did require coordination, you know, asking my husband, hiring a babysitter, whatever that looked like, it actually helped me to come back, whether it was an hour, a night, a weekend, you know, whatever time I took, it helped me to come back a better mom instead of just trying to muster through and really pour from an empty vessel, right? like we don't get much out. Nothing's going to come out if it's empty. But instead, when we go and we invest in ourselves and we spend time with the Lord or our friends and we can come back with water in our picture that we can pour out to love our family. So, I like to think of it as yes, we're investing in ourselves, but it helps us to be a better mom, to be a better wife, to be a better friend. And isn't that a wonderful gift to give those that God has put in our lives? So, it's a direct blessing when we are able to invest in ourselves. And we often think that doing that or needing help or needing rest that that's a sign of weakness. And really, it's not. It's how God designed us. And every mom who's ever walked the face of the planet, you know, needs some time for herself. And that's not weakness. It's not something we should feel guilty about. It's something we can really steward well. And when we again invest in ourselves, it blesses our family and everyone around us. Yes. Because it makes you as a mom more put together, so to speak. And when you're more put together, then you can, like you were saying, give out more. Now, your book um twominut timeouts for new moms. So, you're not asking a lot of investment of time with your book. Um, so what are some simple twominut timeouts or soul care practices from your book that weary moms can actually use in the middle of just an ordinary day? Yes. As someone who is a recovering perfectionist, again, when my kids were little, I was like, I need a day away. I need a night away. But and that wasn't always possible, right? That's not the reality of life. So instead, it's like, how could we spend two minutes? Like often our kids will will let us be they can stay occupied for two minutes so that we can have some time. So in my book it's just short devotions you can read and often I remember as a young mom I would go to the bathroom even when I didn't need to use the bathroom. I would just go and kind of have a quiet moment in there with the door closed and of course the kids would come find you later but it would give you a few minutes. So it could be reading a devotion. It could be listening to worship music while you are folding your laundry. Or it's taking two minutes instead of scrolling on your phone to just sit and breathe and think for a minute or to write down all of the things that you have swirling around in your head, what to buy for dinner, what you need to do, and just put those things on paper. Like just those little things I think are really acts of self and soul care that help us as moms just feel less frazzled and feel just a little more peace and calm in the midst of our day. There's these markers, you know, margins in our motherhood that we can take the time. It's just we have to choose it. It's so easy these days to just scroll on social media or to, you know, do something mindless, but we can really be intentional about like little moments throughout the day that can help be investments in us. Um, it may not again idealistically be like a whole afternoon or a whole day, but we can invest in ourselves little twominute moments at a time. Yeah, I love that. is so doable and it's so incorporatable in your day that it's not something that's that you have to really make sure that you block off time for. You can just add it in in the margins of your day. But how about a mom who when she gets by herself or when she has a minute, she just has such guilt. She just has such heaviness. And when when you think about a mom mom guilt and grace, what encouragement would you offer that mom who re who just in those moments she's not thinking about God or about encouraging herself in the Lord? She's just replaying her mistakes and her worries and the things that she's not doing enough or or feels like she should be better by now and things are just not working for her. What would you say to that mom? I would just encourage her that friend, you are not alone because all of us as moms have those thoughts and I think it's just something we're scared to talk about and we look at the other moms we know whether it's in person or online and we just think, "Wow, they have it all together." But often we are comparing our weakness to their shiny strengths, whatever those are. But remember that God has chosen you to be the mom of your children on purpose. It's not like some random thing. God is so intentional about that. He matches us up on purpose with our kids. And so know that. Know that he didn't pick you because you're perfect because again, none of us are. But he knew you were the woman for the job. And even and especially on those hard days. I hope you remember that. Also remember that he is the God who sees you. And I I can think of specific days in my motherhood journey that were so hard. Like days where I was crying, days where I was like, I don't know how I'm going to get through today and God would encourage me in some way. One day it was my neighbor came over and brought me flowers to thank me for something I had done for her in the past. It was meeting up with friends for a playd date and her little son like just kept hugging me and being so sweet to me. So God will remind you some way that he loves you, that he's with you. And our motherhood mess ups, our weaknesses are actually the perfect place for God's power and strength to show up. In second Corinthians, Paul tells us that it's in our weakness that we are made strong because then God's power has opportunity to show up in us. So again, I would say you're not alone. You're totally normal and trust that God is going to work all things for your good, for your kids' good, and he chose you to be their mom. Oh, that is excellent, excellent resource there with the with the knowledge that our weakness is not God's denial, but it's actually his permission to help us and to come provide the grace that is needed. And faith mom, if you're listening and thinking, I need something simple like that, Andrea's book is filled with short, meaningful devotions that meet you right where you are. It's a great tool for those moments when you only have a couple of minutes but need truth and encouragement right in front of your face. So, be sure to check out that link in the description to see about Andrea's book. Andrea, how can our Faith Mom mentor community connect with you, listen to your Christian podcast, and find your book and resources? Yes. So, my website is andreaffortonberry.com. You can find links to the books there. You can find links to my podcast which is the perfectionist guide to mothering. You can find that on YouTube or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. And then my book is available online at all the major book retailers, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book, and at Walmart as well. Perfect. Perfect. Andrea, thank you so much for encouraging our hearts today. You have lifted our hearts and and shown us that perfectionism doesn't have to be the name of our game. But we can choose grace and we can choose that God has assigned us for this purpose and for this position and for this moment in time in our kids' lives and to not be afraid to take a little soul care for ourselves. So, your encouragement has already helped so many moms release perfectionism, quiet mom guilt, and begin choosing joy in motherhood right where they are. Andrea's book, TwoMinut Timeouts for New Moms: 100 Devotions for Weary and Wonderful Days, is a simple gracefilled resource for Christian moms who need quick encouragement in the middle of real life. And even if you're not a new mom, every season can feel new. And this book meets you right where you are with short, meaningful devotions that help you release perfectionism and choose joy in motherhood. If today's conversation encourages, please check out the description for Andrea's book link and her other links that we will link in the description. And if you want more faithfilled encouragement for motherhood, be sure to subscribe so we can keep walking this parenting journey together. Faith Mom, remember your children don't need a perfect mom. They need a mom who keeps walking with Jesus and receiving his grace. As school starts back up and life gets busy again, those quiet moments matter more than ever. Whether you're sitting in the pickup line or waiting at practice, take a twominut time out with the Lord this week. Breathe, pray, and let his grace meet you right where you are. And again, a special thank you to you, Andrea, for joining us today on the Faith Mom Mentor. Oh, thank you, Ann. It's been a pleasure. Andrea's wisdom and encouragement are helping moms release perfectionism, find grace in the middle of mom guilt and truly begin choosing joy and motherhood. And if you need something simple to guide you in those moments, be sure to check out the description for Andrea's twominut timeouts for new moms and grab a copy today. You'll also find her podcast and resources there. Faith Mom, thanks for joining us. Keep knowing God deeply, teaching your child faithfully, and raising faithfilled kids for God's glory.
