Faith mom, someday your child is going to be standing in a situation where you aren't there. A friend may pressure them. Someone online may ask them for something they shouldn't give. Or maybe someone may tell them to keep a secret. Or something may simply feel wrong and they'll have to decide what do I do now? We can't make every decision for our children, but we can prepare them before that moment comes. And today, I want to show you five simple lessons from Teresa Flynn's book, The ABCs of Wellness, a guide for every childlike soul you can begin using with your child right away. This isn't simply a book to read and put back on the shelf. This book gives you a practical way to begin conversations that can help you and your child become more well whole, protected, and prepared to recognize when something isn't safe. And I want you to stay with me until the end because we put these five lessons together. I want to give you one important truth about protecting your child that I think changes the way we approach boundaries altogether. First, let's start with the letter you might not immediately connect with boundaries and that is A for action. Make a choice that is good. This book begins with something very basic. Your child makes choices all day long. Will I do what is right? Will I take responsibility? Will I lash out when I'm upset? Will I ask for help? Will I give help? And faith mom, this is actually where healthy boundaries begin. Your child needs to understand I am responsible for my choices. They cannot control what a friend does. They cannot control what another child says. They cannot control whether somebody likes the boundary they have set. But they can learn this. I get to decide what I'm going to do next. So imagine your child comes home and says, "She made me so mad." Instead of immediately trying to fix the situation, you can ask, "What part of this belongs to you? What choice can you make now?" Maybe something happened online and you can help them ask, "What action could you take that would protect you? Maybe they already made a poor choice." And then you can ask, "What good choice could you make next?" The book gives moms a starting place for conversations like these. You are helping your child learn to stop, think, seek wisdom, ask for help, and take the next right action. Your child is learning, I can't control everything that happens, but I can choose what I do next. and faith mom. Remember that because this first lesson connects directly to the important truth I'll share with you near the end of this video. But before a child can establish a healthy boundary, they also have to understand what actually belongs to me and what doesn't. And that's where B comes in. B is for boundaries. Only do what you should. The author Teresa explains that you are responsible for your own actions and reactions. You are not required to take on everybody else's responsibility. Faith mom, think about how important that becomes during the middle school years because peer pressure often sounds like if you are really my friend, you would. If you don't do this, I'm going to be mad. Everybody else is doing it. Why are you being so difficult? Your child needs to know someone else's disappointment does not automatically mean I have done something wrong. You can love someone and still have a boundary. You can care about someone's feelings without allowing those feelings to control your decisions. And you can help someone without taking over what belongs to them. And you can be kind and still say that's not something I'm going to do. That is part of becoming well. Your child begins learning this belongs to me and that belongs to you. I can care about you without carrying something that isn't mine to carry. And when you combine that with what we just learned about taking responsibility for your own choices, we're beginning to build something much bigger than simply teaching your child a list of rules. And I'll show you exactly what we're building and it will come at the end. And I'll show you exactly what we're building once we get all of these things in place. and faith mom. This is one of the things Teresa Flynn and I talked about more deeply in our full conversation about healthy boundaries. We talked about what a boundary actually is and what it isn't and why healthy boundaries are meant to protect rather than punish. That full conversation is linked in the description. But let's keep going here because now we need to give our children something even more practical. They need words. So, do you know what N stands for? In Teresa's book, N? N stands for no. N just means no. It doesn't mean you don't care. faith mom, this may be one of the most useful parts of the book to actually sit down and practice with your child because knowing something is wrong and actually saying no when another person is standing there are two very different things. Your child may know what your family believes. They may know what scripture says. They may know your rule. And then somebody says, "Come on." Somebody else may say, "Nobody will know." Or, "Don't tell your mom. Send it. It won't hurt. Just try it. If you were really my friend, you would." Suddenly, saying no becomes harder. And this book reminds children that if someone asks them to do something they fear is wrong or that makes them uncomfortable, it is okay to say no and mean it. I love that part. No doesn't mean you don't care. Faith mom, your child needs to hear that because sometimes they aren't afraid of the thing they're being asked to do. They're afraid of what will happen to the relationship if they refuse. So, use this book as a conversation starter and then practice the words. You can say, "Okay, pretend I'm your friend and I tell you everybody else is doing it. What could you say?" And give your child a chance to answer. If they don't know, give them language. Just say no. or I'm not doing that or I'm not comfortable with that. I need to ask my mom, use me as an excuse. You can teach your kids that that's not okay with me or or just I'm leaving. No, faith mom. Give your child words before they need the words because there may come a moment when knowing what is right isn't enough. They will need to know what to actually say and that's preparation and that is part of protection. The book also gives another important warning. It talks about people who try to make you move quickly and make you feel guilty for refusing something you believe is wrong. And that gives you as a mom another conversation to have. Teach your child to ask, am I being given time to make a wise decision or am I pressured to make a fast decision? Pressure says do it now. Don't ask your parents. You have to decide. Prove it. If you cared about me, you would. But wisdom can stop. Wisdom can think. Wisdom can pray. Wisdom can check with God's word. Wisdom can ask somebody who is trustworthy. And wisdom can come find mom. So teach your child if you're not sure, you can always come to me. And faith mom, make sure they know that invitation is still open even if they already made the wrong choice. We want our children thinking, "Mom is someone I can tell." And we're getting closer to that important truth I promised you at the beginning. Because boundaries aren't only about recognizing right and wrong. Our children also need to know what to do when another person starts applying the pressure. And if you're listening to this thinking, I want to teach my child this, but I'm realizing I struggle with some of these same boundaries myself. I especially want you to watch my full conversation with Teresa Flynn. We talk about why Christian moms can struggle with saying no, why boundaries are not punishment, how serving can become overextending, and how healthy boundaries can actually help us love people wisely. The link to that full conversation is in the description. And stay with me here because these next two letters take this conversation beyond simply setting boundaries and into something every mom deeply cares about your child's safety. And when we put all five letters together near the end, you'll see why that distinction matters so much. The next letter we're going to look at is S for safety. If it's wrong, you must tell. Faith Mom, this is a conversation I would not wait to have. What does safe look like? What does unsafe look like? Who are the trusted adults in your child's life? And what should your child do if something doesn't feel right? This book teaches that parents, teachers, and leaders should have the safety of children in mind. But it also acknowledges something very important. There may be people your child is not safe with and there may be places they take themselves especially online that are not safe either. So sit down with your child and ask who could you tell if I were not there. Let them name the people. Maybe their dad or their grandma or their aunt or a teacher or a pastor. their youth leader, a trusted leader, a coach. Help your child identify several trustworthy adults. Then practice roleplay the situation. What would you do if somebody asked online asked where you live? What if somebody sent you something inappropriate? What if somebody asked you to keep something from me and your dad? What if you were at someone's house and suddenly didn't feel safe? What would you do? What if somebody threatened you if you told? And then listen to what they say. Don't assume they know what to do. This is where the book gives you a doorway into conversations you may not have thought to have otherwise. Give your child something simple to remember, such as get away, get help, tell your child doesn't have to stay somewhere unsafe to be polite. They don't have to keep a harmful secret to protect somebody else's feelings. They can tell. And this is why we practice before something happens. We don't want the first time our child thinks about what to do in an unsafe situation to be while they're standing in one. But there's still one more lesson because sometimes your child recognizes something isn't right and they know they can say no. They know they can tell, but they still need the courage to do something difficult. And that's where the letter X comes in the book X. Stay away. Have the courage to be bold. Sometimes the healthiest boundary isn't explaining. It isn't arguing and it isn't trying to fix somebody else. Sometimes wisdom says stay away. The book talks about things that can hurt us. Bad attitudes, gossip, unhealthy influences, and people making temporary choices that have dangerous personal consequences. Our kids encounter these things in real life. Maybe it's a group chat filled with gossip. Maybe it's an influencer pulling your child's thoughts toward darkness instead of the gospel and what is good. Maybe it's a friendship. Maybe it's a website. Maybe it's a party. Maybe it's something everybody else seems to think is harmless. We can teach our children you don't have to stay close to something harmful just to prove you're strong. Sometimes leaving is strength. Sometimes deleting is wisdom. Sometime blocking is appropriate. And sometimes coming to mom is courageous. And even sometimes your child is going to need God's help to actually do what they already know is right. That's another reason this book can become more than something you simply read. Read the lesson. Talk about a real life example. Ask your child what they could do. And then pray about it together. There's a scripture for every letter of the alphabet in this book. And now we have all five pieces. Action, boundaries, no safety, and stay away. And in just a moment, I'm going to put them together and give you the one takeaway I want you to remember long after this video ends. But first, faith mom, I want to ask you to do something. When this video ends, go to the description and watch the full conversation with Teresa Flynn. Don't just save it for later. Watch it next. And I'll link it at the end as well. Because if we're going to guide our children toward healthy boundaries, we also need to consider what healthy boundaries look like in our own lives. Before we can consistently teach our children what belongs to them, when to say no, and when to step away, we need to understand and practice those principles oursel. we need to model it for them. The link to the full conversation is in the description. I also link it at the end. And now let me show you why these five letters matter so much. We have the action, boundaries, no safety, and stay away. A is I am responsible for my choices. That's action. Boundaries. I don't have to carry everybody else's choices and feelings. N for no. I can say no to something that isn't right. S for safety. If something is wrong or unsafe, I can get help and I can tell. And X is stay away. I can walk away from something that isn't good for me. Faith Mom, look at what you've just helped your child begin to develop. Not simply rules. It is discernment, responsibility, language, courage, an understanding of safety, and the ability to recognize when something is not good for them. Your child can begin asking questions like, "What is mine to do? What isn't mine to carry? When do I need to say no? When do I need to tell? When do I need to walk away?" Asking questions like, "What is helping me become the person God created me to be?" And then finally, what is pulling me away from that? This is part of helping our children become more well and whole. And now we come to the truth I promised you at the beginning. Faith mom, you cannot protect your child by being everywhere. You help protect your child by preparing them for the moments when you aren't there. That's the takeaway. There will be conversations you don't hear, choices you don't see, phones you aren't looking at, friends you don't completely know, places where you simply cannot stand beside your child. So our goal cannot only be how do I keep everything bad away from my child. We also have to ask how do I prepare my child to recognize what is good, what is harmful, what belongs to them, when to say no, when to tell and when to walk away. And faith mom, that is where a resource like the ABCs of wellness can become incredibly practical. Don't just hand this book to your child. Use it with your child. Sit beside them. Open the word of God together. Choose a letter. Read the lesson. Read the scripture. Look at the scripture. Understand what the scripture says. Then bring it directly into your child's world and ask them, "Where could this happen in your life? What would you do? What could you say? Who could you tell? What would help keep you safe? And then listen. Listen to what they say. You are giving your child an opportunity to think through these things while they are sitting safely beside you. So they are better prepared when you are not sitting beside them. That is what I want you to remember. The goal is not to finish the alphabet as quickly as you can and go through this book as quickly as possible. The goal is conversation because those conversations can help your child become more aware, more discerning, and more willing to tell, as well as more confident saying no, and more capable recognizing what is healthy. and of course more prepared to step away from what isn't right and isn't healthy. The ABCs of wellness, a guide for every childlike soul. This isn't only something for your child. Mom, work through some of these questions yourself. Am I taking a responsibility for things that don't belong to me? Do I have difficulty saying no because I'm afraid somebody will be disappointed? Do I stay around something unhealthy longer than I should? Do I recognize something is damaging my own spiritual, emotional, relational wellness? Do I ask for help? And do I model healthy boundaries for my child? because our children are listening to what we say, but they're also watching what we live. So, faith mom, if you've been wondering, I know my child needs these conversations, but I don't know how to begin. This is a place to begin. Get Teresa Flynn's The ABCs of Wellness, a guide for every childlike soul. And don't simply give it to your child. Get it and use it with your child. Not someday, not maybe, but start with one letter, one scripture, one conversation. Use it to help your child become more well in the choices they make, more whole in understanding who they are and what belongs to them, more protected because they understand healthy boundaries, and more prepared to move toward safety when something isn't right. One letter, one scripture, one conversation at a time. You see, faith mom, you cannot stand beside your child for every decision they're going to make. But you can prepare them. You can give them truth. You can give them language. You can give them practice. You can give them permission to tell. You can help them understand what belongs to them and what doesn't. You can teach them that saying no doesn't mean they don't care. And you can help them understand that sometimes the wisest, bravest thing they can do is walk away. Remember, you cannot protect your child by being everywhere. You help protect your child by preparing them for the moments when you aren't there. So start the conversation before the crisis. Open the ABCs of wellness with your child. Choose one letter and start preparing them while they're sitting safely beside you. Until next time, keep knowing God deeply and teaching your child faithfully.
