Welcome to Faith Mom Mentor. Today we're talking about health boundaries for Christian moms, boundaries that protect, not punish.
And we have author Teresa Flynn with us. I personally met Teresa this year and appreciate how God has equipped her through difficult roads she has traveled to speak compassionately with grace and help into the lives of others. Teresa Flynn has master's degree, counseling degree, and is a certified Christian life coach, who serves clients online and in person, inspiring them to reach new levels of faith-based growth, healing, and change. She lives in eastern North Carolina with her husband, daughter, and fur babies.
Teresa, welcome to The Faith Mom Mentor. Thank you for having me. It's a real pleasure. Well, we're glad you're here, and today we are especially emphasizing Teresa's book, ABCs of Wellness, A Guide for Every Childlike Soul. This conversation will help us think about Christian mom boundaries, faith-based parenting, emotional wellness for moms, and how we can raise preteens with faith while helping them grow in wisdom, character, forgiveness, gratitude, self-awareness, and God awareness.
Healthy boundaries in motherhood are not about pushing people away. They are about learning how to love wisely, communicate clearly, and protect the peace God is growing in your home. Teresa, I wanted to start by asking you, would you begin by sharing your personal journey about how God led you into Christian life coaching, , the faith-based wellness, recovery, and helping others experience growth, healing, and change?
, Absolutely. So, , I live in Eastern North Carolina. I am a transplant from, from the Northeast, and, , I have an Italian, , American heritage that I'm very proud of. And, , was raised in the Catholic Church, and I wanted to, , know God the best that I could. I just didn't really understand things.
And, , I think some of that is just being young, but, , also by the time I got to middle school, high school, , where, where I come from, you just didn't talk about church. You didn't talk about religion at all. And of course, being in public school, it's really not emphasized at all. And so it was very easy to just slip away from that foundation.
And then, , just processing the world around me and the, the pain in my family. Of course, every family has, , dysfunction somewhere, and, , we're all sinners in need of salvation. I became very angry. And so I thought, , if there's this God, , why are all these bad things happening around the world and in my life?
And again, not having a, a foundation to put that in, I became an atheist. And so I went to public college, and at, at this point, I, I know that it's a lot different, but back then, I don't wanna say how long ago it was, but, , three decades , , it just, it wasn't emphasized. So, so you got the idea that believers were, , a little odd, a little different, , and I just, I just really called myself an atheist.
But I also was carrying with me, , over 20 years of an eating disorder because with that anger... Now, I can-- I did not put this together back then, of course. But, , with that anger, with that discontent, with not having a foundation in, in the truth, , came up with some way to get through life. And so that was, , misusing alcohol and, , of course, being, being an atheist and just, , gathering and all, all that stuff, , and having an eating disorder.
And it wasn't until I was 35, where I think the Lord was softening my heart. He was able to provide us a child through adoption when we didn't know if we could have, , - healthy children, and then doubly blessed us with a biological child less than a year after that, ? , So I think my heart was kind of softening.
Look what He did to me, , and for us, and blessed us with me still railing against Him. But when I was 35, I thought, "I've got to, I've got to change. I, I don't know why I'm not content or happy." , , , My husband is good to me and has a great job, and, , we've had this beautiful-- We love being in North Carolina.
We just really enjoyed it. So what's going on? And- God just works so subtly, but He put the idea of 12-step recovery right in front of my face, and I knew nothing about it. But it did talk about God because it is a God program. It's understanding that what you're using is what you're doing in place of running to God.
, So I, I took it seriously, and it did take me about a year in, like, I realized, "Okay, there is a creator. , There is a God." It did take me a little longer to recognize that Jesus was the Savior, Jesus was God, you know? , People kept coming into my life saying, "You need to study the Bible." And I'm like, "Yeah, I've got one in my house," you know?
They're like, "No, you need to study it." So God had, like, orchestrated this, this whole thing to, to transform my life. - And so it took 10 years for my husband to recognize the truth, 'cause we were both atheists, , when we got married, and we're still nice people and, , good part of the community, but that does not mean that you are saved, you know?
So I got the recovery that I needed. I got the, the, , equipment, the emotional and spiritual equipment to be patient and long-suffering , and wait for him to come along, and sure enough, he did. And so I did some homeschooling. I did some public school, private school. We've done... I've done everything, , with the children, , that I was blessed to, to be able to raise.
And so yeah, I just, , knew from the very beginning that, , when I came to the Lord, like, , atheists become usually very strong Christians because we're, we don't... , we can't even say, , ", well, yeah, yeah, I was there. I was in the club." Like, we know. We know what we were heading for. So when I really did come to, to Jesus Christ, and it was such a wonderfully soft moment, , I told God, I said, "I want to serve you, and, and I, and I want everything you have to offer," because, , I was starting to get into the Bible a little bit and going, "Oh my gosh, this is, this is amazing."
And it lines up with the 12 steps, and the 12 steps line up with, , with the Bible. And so, , , He, He, He'll give you what you want. So, , He did kind of put on my heart that I was gonna counsel Christians, and I didn't know what that meant or how that would look. And I even said, "God, I, I just became one.
How could I, , counsel Christians or help Christians?" , So yeah, it took about 15 years of consistent growth and my own healing, my own journey and, , watching, , what happened in my family and, and, , being in, , volunteer ministry and everything and, , getting a master's in biblical counseling, , and, and learning how, , to be a Christian life coach, getting the training for that.
And so it, it really was that incubation period of like, God's like, "Yeah, you're gonna have to be, , a little farther along." So, , yeah, I just, , kind of all put it together, and that's where Tavi Coaching and, and Wellness came from. Yeah. So, and that's where your book, The ABCs of Wellness: A Guide for Every, , Every Childlike Soul.
What inspired you to write this book, and how did this message shape your own wellness? Yes. Yes. So, , part of the journey of my recovery and my wellness and my growth in, in Christ and, , my sanctification process, again, was, , parenting my children and, like I said, a little bit of homeschooling here, , private school, Christian school, public school.
Knowing that, , being a mother was, , one of my greatest roles, that really was a catalyst for me to get into recovery. 'Cause I said, , "I need to be a better mom. I wanna be the best mom that I can be." And, , so part of that journey was dealing with my adopted son who had special needs. , , I mean, he was brilliant.
It's not that. , , He, he just was him when I look back. , But, but watching him, , really get into some pitfalls online, , and, and be exploited and then develop an addiction, , to screens and to harmful things and to watch, , some of those gener- generational issues that, , we know were there with addiction, , to kinda, , take over his life.
And so even though he was a believer, he, he just was, , , somebody that was, like, very, very social and, , just loved everybody So he would share about God and things like this, but he had his private, , burdens. And so, , unfortunately he did, he did die through suicide, , in 2019. And I thank the Lord for all of that work that he had done in my heart and in my family and with my husband, who was now totally saved and, and very dedicated to, to the Lord, , because, , we could get through that.
And so one of the, the, , parts of my grief journey was God had orchestrated me to be able to work in, , the very preschool where my kids had gone. , It wasn't a Christian preschool, but it just had so many great memories and the, and the teacher I was gonna work with was, was a strong Christian. So I, I knew that God was orchestrating that.
And so one weekend I was just, , not in the school, but I was just pondering about, , Matthew 18:3 where God says, , "Unless you come to me like a little child, , you're not gonna, you're not gonna enter the kingdom." And here I am working with preschoolers, , I just, I love that age.
, And so it, it just, like, it just hit me how simple it is, but, but how much work it can be and, and how hard it is 'cause we're in the world and we are sinners. And I, I can't explain it. Like, through the weekend this, the whole poem the original poem, , just kind of flowed out of me. I shared it with my teacher, , friend.
She was like, "Wow, that's amazing." And so I, I, , had some ex- explanations for each, , letter and I, , asked Shiloh Farm Ministry, which is someplace, again, that was part of my grief journey because my, my son had loved going there. So I had reconnected with the ministry there and every summer, , since he had died I go and, , minister to the campers there.
So I said, "Hey, , can I do this ABC poem? And that's what I can do this summer as my ministry?" And, , it was a multi-age group and the kids, , they really, they really enjoyed it. , So but then I put it on the back burner and it wasn't another ... I think it was another two years for me to really say, "Okay, , I'm ready."
Well, for God to say, "I'm ready for Tabi Coaching and Wellness." , I'd done my studying, I'd done my preparation and I was just like always waiting like, "What, God, what is this gonna look like?" ? , I started chugging along with that and just growing and learning how to, you know, run a practice, run a business and stuff.
And I got the inspiration to write my 📍 first book which is I Love You Be Well: A Story of Doing God's Will Without Going Viral. And so that, so that was just kind of an exploration in, , , how, how to self-publish and how to reach, , an audience with, , just some of that growth, healing and change, , that they could get.
And so after I finished that God just brought back to my mind, "Hey, go back to that ABC book because, like, adults can use that. ? Everybody can use that." And so, , yeah, that was, that was just another journey of the self-publishing and figuring out, , how to make it look and, and kinda adding and editing, , and making it more of a full, a full program.
The ABC format, it feels so simple and approachable, and I wanted to ask you more about the simplicity in just a moment. Let me just say, , 📍 Faith Mom, before we continue, would you take a second to like this episode? It helps more Christian moms find encouragement for faith, parenting, and emotional wellness.
Now, Teresa, the simplicity of the ABCs, I don't think you can get more simple than that. And then your phrase, every childlike soul, is so tender and just inviting, whether it's adults or whether it's children. What does that mean to you, and why do both moms and preteens need a teachable heart when learning emotional and spiritual wellness?
That's right. So, , I do think that it's applicable to many age groups, . , Obviously I don't think that, , preschoolers, ironically, that's what, that was my specialty, so I don't, I don't know that a preschooler could appreciate all of it. , They might enjoy the rhyme. But yeah, definitely those older age groups.
, I was so pleased that one of my, , former neighbors, I just happened to run into her, , j- I guess she saw me post about it online or something, but she got the book for her preteens and, and she was just excited and they, they do a little bit of it every night. She's got two girls and so, , I was like, "Okay.
Wow, yeah, that's another age group that can really connect with it." You might need a little bit of that guidance, , with your, your parents, but I think that's what makes it, , a really special moment. Because parents can also do their work with it and be open and honest about, , how they're trying to get closer to God in their life.
That's true. And I wanted to talk about boundaries just a minute, because boundaries are so critical, and a lot of emotional wellness and, , spiritual health deals with boundaries. You say that boundaries are to keep you safe, not to punish you. And boundaries also help you learn who to trust, not keep others out.
Why is that distinction so important for Christian moms when thinking about boundaries? Yes, I was just thinking about this. We've got a lot of vocabulary. We have a lot of, , influencers that are, are giving great information, you know. , And I tap into a lot of that. But I think that we've kind of lost a little bit of what a, a, a true and healthy boundary is.
And so I've even seen this play out, where, where somebody is trying to punish somebody, like they're upset with a relationship or, , or, or that person's toxic and, and so they're like, "I'm, I'm putting up a boundary." And, , so they're stating it, and, and it really is to, to punish that person.
Like, "You're not gonna see my grandkids," or, , that kind of thing. And so that, that's not what a proper, like, healthy and godly boundary is. It's where where you end and the other person begins, right? So that we're not trying to do things for other people that they should do for themselves, and we're also, you know, expressing what our needs are.
And it's, it's very hard. It's very hard for women in general. It's very hard for Christian women, too, because, , we're trained to, to serve, you know? And, and we, and we want to please God, and we want to go the extra mile. But, , without proper boundaries, we can really go into things like called codependency and enabling, , and just, , getting overwhelmed ourselves because we're doing too much for other people.
And, and Faith 📍 Mom, as you listen today, think about one conversation your preteen may need right now. Maybe it's about emotional boundaries or character or forgiveness or gratitude or God's truth. Teresa's book, The ABCs of Wellness: A Guide for Every Childlike Soul, is a gentle place to begin. It gives you simple faith-based prompts and language you can use with your child wi- right away.
You can find the link in the description and begin using it with your family today. And like Teresa was saying, it's something that you can do in short increments with your family, not something that you have to sit down and take a lot of time with. So this would be a great way to talk about boundaries with your kids.
Teresa, many Christian moms struggle with saying no without guilt. How can a mom set biblical boundaries in a way that is loving, honest, and peaceful? Right. Yeah, I did, , ponder that, and so I've got a couple of examples that I can just run through very quickly. So I thought, , there's a self boundary.
That's where it really needs to start, , because we do need to take good care of ourselves. And again, that can be hard to do when you don't have, , an idea of, of proper boundaries. But here's a good self boundary Telling yourself, "I know that I operate best without caffeine." Now this, I'm just putting this out here as an example.
"So I'm going to say no to any invitation to meet at that tempting coffee shop," right? "Until I am safe from that temptation. And if I cannot decline or suggest another place to meet, I'm gonna ask God for the courage to bring my own beverage." So that's a boundary that we're learning to put on ourselves, right?
To keep us safe, right? Not to, , keep people away. I'm still gonna go, I'm still gonna be with those people, but I know for me what is safe for me. And I know it's so easy for us to be like, wh- whatever that temptation is, , "Oh, yeah, maybe I'll just have a little bit," or, "Oh, maybe I'll just, ...
Maybe that music won't influence me." Like, whatever, whatever it is. So that's a self boundary. And then I thought, well, how about a parenting boundary, right? So what if, whether you're homeschooling or not, you know, , there's homework, right? So you are going to let the children know that homework has to be...
Homework needs have to be met by, I don't know, say 7:00, 7:00 PM, so that I can make sure that my household chores get done as well. So if children, you say, "Children, if you need homework help after 7:00 PM," say, ", here's the choices that you can make. You can do the work yourself, you can ask someone in the house for help, someone else, or you can let me know about it in the morning."
So it's not yelling, it's not screaming, it's not punitive. It's just, it's a boundary. 'Cause I'm realizing that, yeah, when, when we're doing all this stuff in the evening and I don't even get to do the dishes, and I can't, I can't get to the things that I need to do to wind down, . That's, that's just a boundary.
And you don't say, "This is a boundary that we're doing." You just do it. You just do it, ? And then I thought, well, what about a marriage boundary? So you could, , let's say you could say to your husband that, , "I know for me, I'm gonna put my screens down an hour before bed because it makes me overstimulated and then also overtired, and I am not going to be as interested in intimacy when I'm in that state."
So you do it for yourself, right? And you, you just let him know, "This is what, what it's gonna look like for me. You might be scrolling and watching the game and whatever, , but it, it helps me, right, to not get overstimulated and overtired, and I'm gonna do that for me and it's gonna help the marriage, .
And so hopefully he'll get the hint that this is something that the marriage could benefit from. Yeah. Yeah. And I love how, , you re- you framed all those boundaries based on what is beneficial, satisfying for you. So boundaries really are a protection. They really are a protection from keeping other people to be in your space, but they are also communicated.
, Any time you were speaking about those examples, there was clear communication. Mm-hmm. So what I hear is that for a boundary to be effective, it first has to be understood by you se- by yourself, who's making the boundary, and then it has to be clearly communicated when you're talking with whoever would be affected by that boundary.
But I really love... What, what most impressed me was when you started out with that first one with the coffee shop. I know having caffe- m- m- restricting my caffeine helps me feel better, so I'm gonna feel better if I restrict my caffeine. So I'm go- gonna take myself to the temptation of the coffee shop to get all that caffeine because that will make me feel bad.
So all of that was a, a, was emotional intelligence coming through for what emotionally makes you... , emotion itself is a mood. It's a, it's a, , motion, how you emote something, how you emote yourself. And so I love how you, how you gave us such practical examples, but that we could clearly see how it's a benefit for us.
And it doesn't restrict the other person. It actually invites them into your emotional health so much more freely. And I want to get to a little bit more of that, but before we do and before we continue, please 📍 make sure you subscribe to Faith Mom Mentor so you don't miss more faith-based encouragement for raising preteens with wisdom and with peace. Teresa, moms of preteens are often navigating those big emotion, changing communication, friendships, independence even, correction, and conflict.
How could your book, The ABCs of Wellness, teach preteens emotional wellness and begin faith-based conversations at home? Well, I do think that all these principles, they, they are, they are elementary, but they're all, , they're foundational for healthy living. So I think that, you know, , the preteen and, and, , the mom can work it through for what's going on in the family and what those educational goals are, and spiritual goals, but also for their relationships with their ch- with their peers because, , N, N is no, and X is stay away.
And, , there, there's definitely some, , encouragement on, on what is safety. S is for safety as well. So there's a lot of parameters, right? A lot of, like, of those good boundaries that a preteen can really apply to... And, and there's really also information about online safety, , 'cause I know that's what children are facing, but that's what adults are facing, too, and that's why every child, like soul, everybody that's teachable, , can really resonate with it.
Yeah. Teresa, I think what I wanted to, to mention with what you just said was how non-confrontational this book would be, would be. A lot of times boundaries, like you were saying, , , don't you cross this line, it's more of a threat. Mm-hmm. But , your book, The ABCs of Wellness, is more of an invitation to boundaries.
It's more of a come in and let's see what this door would look like. Let's see what this wall would w- look like. Let's see what this house, this protective house that we are helping you build as a mom for a preteen, we are helping you build your protective house against the enemy that wants to kill, steal, and destroy you.
And so your book is much more of a freeing, much more of a invitational way to establish boundaries than just, than the mom who just says, "Don't do it because I said so." This is a getting beyond the I said so, and gives mom really more ammunition, if you were to use that word, for, , more power, I guess you sh- could say, to authorize the child to set these boundaries for their own protection, not just because mom said so, but because they can, through these 26 letters of the alphabet, see exactly why these boundaries are needed, how to set them, and how to help their friends to set those boundaries, and to, and to give themselves a place of protection so that they are not, - violated in some way.
Right. Right. Yeah, it, there, I, I do have subtle ways, like I said, of, of approaching what safety is online and with other people, . , I, I really, the book starts with A is for action, make a choice that is good. B is for boundaries, only do what you should. So it is kind of the framework, , it does kinda set the stage that we have choices that, that we can make.
And even in, I'm, I'm thinking of that parenting boundary, 'cause l- I mean, I've been there, where like, "I can't take it anymore," you know? "I'm tired," . So, right? And, and then we're modeling this for our children. But what would it look like to just, , get with the Lord, process what's going on, ask Him, what is that boundary?
What is gonna work for this family and for me, ? And just be like, "Hey, y'all, let's sit down. This, this is how it's gonna go." You don't have to be like, "This is a boundary," and , like you said, make it punitive and, and, and try to punish people, but just say, "This is what's gonna hap..." And you have to stick with it,
and that's the thing with good parenting. Whatever we do, , say, we, we have to be consistent. We have to follow through. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Consistency is difficult sometimes, but this book helps you stay consistent because it's laid out just one letter after the other. So if you, if it just, if you miss a day, then just pick up the next day with the next letter.
So it's not, it's not a slap on the wrist, but it's a invitation to keep going. Right. So Teresa, how... Did you want to say something else? I was gonna say, the book is, , , the, the, the poem is, like I said, so simple, inviting. It does rhyme. So it's almost like you can read that poem and really enjoy it, and then you can go back and un- and unpack.
Yeah. Yeah. And there's multiple ways. , You have multiple sections in the book. Mm-hmm. Multiple sections where you're, you're, , doing one thing with the scriptures, and then you do s- journaling, and then you do some other things. So you are, , rehearsing this poem, this easy-to-understand poem. You are rehearsing it multiple times in multiple ways.
That really helps, , direct attention and helps keep attention for the primary purpose of setting those boundaries for emotional wellness, for whole body wellness, whole health wellness. Mm-hmm. Wellness is a very important topic, , because wellness constitutes the whole body, not just, not just wellness on your physical being, not that you can run and get the physical fitness award, but wellness in your spirit, wellness in your mind, wellness in your, in your health, in your food choices, in your, , whether you're gonna take that drug or whether you're gonna drink that alcohol.
It's wellness in all sorts of areas. So I'm excited about this book, and I hope our moms will, will pick this up. Teresa How can the Faith Mom mentor community connect with you, learn more about your Christian life coaching, find your helpful resources, and get your featured book that we're talking about today, The ABCs of Wellness: A Guide for Every Childlike Soul?
Yeah, 📍 so thank you. Thank you for this opportunity, , to, to reach your community. So my business, my practice, , my office is called Tavi Coaching and Wellness, and it's T-A-V-I Coaching and Wellness. So you can look up co- to tavicoachingandwellness.com. That's my website. And my email is [email protected].
Uh, my phone number is 919-738-3465, and I add that because I do work with a lot of people online from all over the world, so a simple text can be a way to, to engage. Um, and so you can find my books, uh, I've got three books. You can find those on Amazon. Okay. Great. And thank you, Teresa. We will definitely link all those items in the description.
Thank you for being here today and sharing your story with us. Thank you for obeying the Lord in, in what he called you to do, and thank you for not having to see the end before you started. Mm-hmm. But you just took one step at a time, one obedient right next step, and you h- are making such an impact all over the world, and you are helping people become emotionally well through faith in God, through, , setting proper boundaries.
And so I'm so encouraged. Thank you for being here and sharing all of your, , all the things that you have learned as you're just a few steps ahead of us coming behind you. So thank you. Uh, yeah, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much. Faith Mom, I hope today's conversation helped you see healthy boundaries in motherhood with more peace and clarity.
Boundaries are not meant to punish people or make us cold, distant, or unkind. Actually, healthy boundaries help us love wisely, communicate clearly, and protect what God has entrusted to us. As moms of preteens, this really matters. Our children are watching how we handle stress, how we respond when we are overwhelmed, how we say yes and how we say no, and how we bring our emotions and decisions before the Lord.
We do not have to model perfection, but we can model emotional maturity, self-awareness, God-awareness, wisdom, and faith. If today's conversation reminded you that your child needs more than correction, they need conversation, connection, and faith-filled tools, I encourage you to get 📍 Theresa Flynn's book, ABCs of Wellness, A Guide for Every Childlike Soul.
The link is in the description. Thank you for joining us on the Faith Mom Mentor. Please subscribe for more faith-based encouragement, and keep knowing God deeply, teaching your child faithfully, and building a home where faith, wisdom, peace, and healthy love can grow
