If you're a Christian mom who sometimes feels overwhelmed trying to raise your kids with a strong faith in today's culture, this conversation is for you. Today we're talking about how your everyday words shape your child's identity. Their confidence, their self-esteem, even their emotional and spiritual growth, because faith-based parenting isn't just about family prayer. It's about the way you speak into your kids in the middle of normal. Everyday moments in a world that's constantly discipling our children through social media, peers and culture. How do we practice intentional biblical parenting that actually builds confidence and raises godly children? The answer might be simpler and more powerful than you think, and to help us with this today, I'm so excited to welcome Jody Hill to the Faith Mom Mentor. ?Jody is a bestselling author, speaker, parenting educator, and what she calls a parent. Sidekick. She helps Christian moms become the loudest and most positive voice in their child's life, especially in a world competing for their identity and attention. She's the author of the Parents' Secret Superpower, where she shows how everyday words can shape identity. Build confidence and help raise resilient, capable kids. As a mom of four who's walked through some incredibly hard seasons, her heart to help parents uses one of the most powerful tools, they already have their voice. Joy, welcome to the Faith Mom, mentor, thank you so much for having me. I love your heart and what you are doing in this space, and I'm glad that I get to be a part of it. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, we are so glad you're here, and I definitely want to ask you about something that hits home for many of us and what you call confidence busters, the biggest confidence busters parents and unintentionally use with their kids. But before we go there, let's start with this. What is the secret superpower You say every parent already has? What I believe the superpower is is. ?Words. And I think what is so cool about how God works is that, you know, we come home from the hospital and we're like, dang it, where's this manual for our kids? Right? Like, we don't have anything. And yet he actually gave us one of the biggest things already inside of us that we can use to impact our children. And it's our words. And, you know, go back to the. Creation story. How did God create? What did he create with tools? A hammer, nails. No, he created with his words and his word says that we are created in his likeness. And we also have power in our words to create and build and also destroy. And the Bible even talks about that. And then science even backs it up, which is even cooler. Right? And so we have this superpower that, and the reason I call it a secret is. Because a lot of parents just don't understand that we even have this power to literally change the trajectory of our kids' lives, which is so exciting. And so what I get to do is I get to help parents realize the superpower they have and how to best yield it. You know? Um, like Superman's, Spider-Man's uncle says, with great power comes great responsibility, right? Yeah. So we've got a big responsibility that God has given us to use our words. ?Yes, absolutely. Now, we've all heard the expression sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Is that actually true when it comes to a child's identity? No. I mean, ?I, , remember saying that as a kid to just like brush off the hurt that was there and still there and lingering still. Right. And it's like, you can't impact me. You can't hurt me. And yeah, words are so. So powerful. And the way that we, what we've been given as parents is we get to birth children into this world or adopt them, whatever. And you are a parent and children come out of the womb looking to us for safety, survival, and we are the first people in our children's life that get to speak that belief and identity into them. And when the words that we speak over them. That turns into identity, which turns into how they show up in the world. So can some people say stupid mean unkind things to us and it doesn't impact us? This may hurt, but the great thing is, is about the role that we've been given as parents is we get to be the loudest, most positive voice in their life. So if we are constantly speaking those encouraging and uplifting, and I believe in you words, it's gonna. Like words, negative words from outside voices won't impact as much. And I remember being in fourth grade and I was taking the bus home and there was an older kid there who was a bully. And I remember it was time for me to get off the bus and he was standing right in the middle of the way and I start to walk up. To just go around. But he was blocking away and he looks at me, I'd never done anything to this dude before. And he is like, you're an idiot now to me. I grew up in a Christian home where we didn't even say the word, like shut up or stupid. And so to have this kid who I was kind of already scared of already to like, look at me so mean and just call me an idiot, it just like kind of shocked me there. And in that moment I remembered like, who am I? Are my, do my parents say I'm an idiot? No. Do my siblings say, do my friend no. And I looked at him and I was like, no, I'm not. Then I pushed past him and got off the bus. I was nervous and shaking, and I was like, oh my gosh. I stood up to him. But I had that confidence because of the confidence that my parents instilled in me. And so his words didn't harm me. They didn't break my bones because of the confidence and the positive words that my parents used to build and of encourage and encourage me and uplift me as I grew in their home. ?Wow. That shows that parents have a lot of influence on their child's identity and their belief in themselves and being up to stand for themselves. ?You in that situation, you were able to stand up. Yeah. Even though somebody else was telling you something different. Now, tell me about this rollerblading moment when your son said, mom, I'm scared. What happened next? And how did your word shape courage in your son? Such a great question. ?You know, I remember it was this rare moment where I got to spend one-on-one time with my son, and rollerblading was his world and he was doing jump tricks over his siblings and all of the things, and I was able to take him to the skate park that was about 20 minutes away and he'd been talking up for so long, gosh, he was probably like five or six at the time. And then he gets up to this half pipe, which is a thing that you. Like, how do I explain this? You're on the edge and then you go down, kind of like a slide that then takes you back up. Maybe you've seen in Olympics with snowboarding, whatever, and he gets to the top and he's scared. And so I think what's easy to do as the parent is to just, no, you're not. You're fine. You've got it. You probably like, but the reality was is like he's not fine. He just told me he was scared. And brushing aside what he is feeling like you're okay, you're fine, you're fine. Like that actually doesn't help. Like if you're sad or if you're upset as an adult and you call your friend and you're like, man, I'm just really going through this hard thing. And they're like, you are fine. You got it. You got like. Like, no, I'm not fine. And so like that's the same thing for our kid where we try and brush aside the reality and to us it's no big deal. But we have to keep in mind that they are children whose brains are not even fully developed. So they can't use the logic and reasoning that we have as an adult to be like, I'm actually not that high. I'm pretty confident I can do, you know, like all this stuff. They're just up there and my son is scared. And so what I did in that moment. I was like, buddy, this does seem a little high up, doesn't it? He is like, yeah. And I just spoke encouragement to him. I spoke, I reminded him of the times where he did something hard and he accomplished it, or he tried something and he maybe didn't get it right the first time, but that he tried. He got up and he tried and he did it again. And as I was speaking those words into him, like you could see his confidence just lift up and he is like, okay, I'm ready. He's like, mom, will you hold my hand? I was like, absolutely. So like I hold his hand, he like takes a few deep breaths and I'm wondering like, is this child even gonna do this? And sure enough he leans over the edge and just like flows down, let's go of my hand. And he goes back and forth and he is elated. Like he is so pumped that he did it and then he didn't even need my hand anymore. Yeah. And that's such a beautiful example of how we as moms get to partner with our kids from when they're. One and a half to even when they're 18 and beyond. We get to cheer them. We get to champion them. We get to speak to their beliefs and their capabilities and that hey, it's also okay to mess up. That's how we learn. That's how we learn how to do it differently, right? And if we can do that in all these moments, man, we are just going to equip our kids with so much belief and confidence in themselves, not to be perfect, not to do everything right, but to keep at it even when it's hard or scary. And that's the kind of kids I wanna raise. And I believe if we can raise a generation of kids like that, they will be world changers. ?You're calling out greatness in them. Yes. You're calling out what they are capable of doing and you're validating how they feel and you're getting 'em over the hump of how they feel to what they can accomplish. What they can do. Yes. So does that ever happen, like in. Homework for example, if, if, like, I know I've had situations in my own family trying to help with homework and the kid is, my child is just not getting it, and sometimes I maybe say something that doesn't necessarily call out greatness in them. So how, how would you speak to that? What, what, what would you say? To help parents and moms in that situation. ?I would say that is so hard. Like my, I feel you. Because we have that same struggle over here. Right. And so one thing that I wanna say is my kids, I'm sure as everyone's like, there can be a situation where they are just like tapped out, they're frustrated, they're not getting it, and the best thing to do in those moments is to take a break. Do something else. Let them reset. Right? Because again, their brain has not fully developed till they're 21. So they don't even have like the capacity to be like, or we gotta teach 'em the capacity to be like, wait, something's not feeling great in me. I don't feel like I can do my best in this moment, so I'm gonna take a break. So that's all do this. My kids, I'm like, you wanna go for a walk? Or let's color, or let's move our body, or let's switch up the scenario. And then when they come back, they can come at a much clearer head space. Right? But I will say there was this one in. One situation with one of my kids and it was around their homework and they, they had. Done it, but not to the excellence that I needed to actually be able to read their work. So here I am, it's middle of craziness. Some kids just got home from school. We have snack time, we've got dinner, all four kids are running around and then I'm like, I have laundry to do, I need to get dinner started. And you know, everyone's coming and bugging me. And so the only thing in my way at that moment to get all the other stuff done was to get through checking my kids' homework. I was not at my best. And I'm like looking at their handwriting and it is so frustrating 'cause I could not make it out. And in my awesomeness, I blurted out. I was like, oh my gosh, your handwriting is so horrible. As soon as those words left my mouth, oh my gosh, I just instant wave of regret. And I'm like, how is this helping? Like it's not. And then to make matters even worse, my child. Got really quiet and then said, mom, that was really hurtful. I was like, dang it. And these moments can happen all the time, especially when we're trying to get schoolwork done and all the other things. Right. And I just took that opportunity to be like, you are right. I was frustrated, but it doesn't mean I get to be unkind with my words and I'm so sorry. You forgive me. Yeah. I think the beauty in us messing up as moms and not doing our best is we actually get to model for our kids what it looks like to own our mistakes and own. The ways that we show up that aren't the best, and then we get to model what it looks like to say we're sorry, will you forgive me? And that's how I learn. That's what I love about the Lord, right? He is like, Hey, you're gonna do something crappy. I'm gonna turn this into lemonade. I'm gonna turn all things for good. So in that moment, like if I can encourage other moms, like if I could do a redo, like this is how I would've navigated it, right? . I would've. Hey, I really love the times that I get to sit down with you and go over the work that you've been working so hard on. However, I cannot do that because I can't read your handwriting. I've seen you write before, and when you try your best, I can read it and you do a really good job. So this is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna attend to your siblings. I'm gonna get dinner started, and I would love for you to redo this and try again. So go ahead and let me know when you're ready and we'll come and we'll look it over. Completely like different scenario, right? So I'm not saying, oh, it's okay. Your handwriting's great. 'cause that's not the reality. Like we need our kids to take responsibility and to take ownership. But if we can do it in ways where there's not fear or there's shame. Man, we're going to be that safe place for them to always come back to. Right. And so that is my goal, to do it with my kids like that every time. Not the first, not the first way. ?Yeah. Yeah. But it takes just like. Handwriting takes practice for them. These, this mindset takes practice for us. Mm-hmm. And I love how you modeled that because it did, I mean, you just, you can feel the difference. You can feel the difference in the words that you said, , the first time and the words that you said the second time. Yes. A little bit of a difference. Yeah. And so, but you're right. When we are pressured, that is when. What, what, what is the saying? You know, when, when you're pressured, the what's inside comes out, right? Yes. And so when we, when we're not as pressured, we have more time to think and to reason. But if we are in the habit of saying those things, then that is what will come out. And so those are part of the superpower is to get those habits of that being inside. Yes. And it, it's practice and intentionality. Right? It's super easy and yet it's hard. Right? And so that's why it's like. Baby steps, mom, like baby steps. The best thing we can first step is just to pause. When we see we wanna react, like just first take a beat and like pause and think of your long-term goal. Like, okay, do I want to just shame my kid right now or do I want them to take. Ownership in a healthy way where we can stay connected and I don't have to apologize. Right. Yeah, yeah. Trying to, trying to wane on the apologies here. Yeah. But alright, so we're to this part, I need to know what the confidence busters parents unintentionally use with their kids. What are some of the biggest confidence busters that we unintentionally use? I ?would say that number one is doing everything for them. I would like to think that most moms love their children and they want them and they wanna help, right? Like I am a natural helper, like my mom's, that way I am that way. And if my kid is, you know, whatever, like I'll help or they need something happy to get it for them, right? Especially if they're asking very kindly. But the problem is, is we can do too much for our children. And I remember, , mom, that was a few years ahead of me. I was learning from her and just watching her and she said, we did everything for our child. And it was so bad that we would say like, Hey, it's time to go get your shoes. And they would literally stand there and not even know what to do. And they're like five, like four or five. I'm like, wow. And so we, the thing is, is our kids learn. When they have to do things themselves and when they're grown and when they're stretched. Right. My child is never gonna learn how to tie her shoes if I don't have her struggle learn how to tie her shoes. Mm-hmm. And that just reminds me of a story where my daughter was trying to get her shoes on and she was crying because she could not get her shoes tied. And in that moment I wanted to come up and be like, you're fine, you're okay. Let's tie your shoes in, please, for the love. Can we get out the door on time? And if we can pause. In that moment and be like, what is my long-term goal here? Is it to have a child who doesn't feel like she's capable because I'm always stepping in and doing things for her, or can I use this moment to help build her confidence? And so I sat down next to her and I was like, oh, you seem really frustrated. She's like, yeah. I was like, I get that. I was like, you're trying to tie your shoes? She's like, yeah. I was like, I remember when I was learning how to tie my shoes, I would get frustrated too, and I didn't get it all the time, and I get it, girl. And I was like, would you like for me to show you how to do it again? She's like, yes. So I showed her and tied it and I was like, okay, now it's your turn. You ready? And wouldn't you know she did it? Little struggle here and there, but I'm right there next to her, cheering her on, encouraging her. And then she jumped up and she was floored. Yes. And parent. Yes. And now she's like, I can do this. I know I can do this. And she had mom right there cheering her on. I wasn't doing it for her, but I was supporting her in that. And so when we can start to do things in those small moments, and I get it. It takes longer. It's messier. Oh my gosh. Having kids learn how to like pour things in a glass or put things away, or sweep with the dustpan, you know, like for moms with younger kids, man, it is hard. Like so much patience is required, but just keep that end goal in mind. Because if we keep doing everything for them, then we raise kids who just don't know how to do things themselves. So I would say that's like the one of the biggest busters that parents unintentionally do because it just comes out of good intentions. Like, I ?love my kid and I just wanna help 'em. Yeah. And you have given us some language shifts for, I mean, your scenarios here have been instead of this do this, but what are some broad categories, or what are some language shifts? Parents can start even today, building confidence. Can you take us through maybe some of that framework that allowed you to reframe those situations, reposition yourself in this situation? Yeah. ?As a parent, I think it's really easy to see like what our kids aren't doing right? And so then we speak to that, right? Hey, your room is a mess. You are so messy. So the reframe is, let's make sure we're not speaking to their identity. 'cause what am I telling them? I'm telling them that they are messy. And when they start to hear that right, their belief starts to take shape. And then the brain starts to look for everything that proves themself, right? Proves that statement, right? And they're looking around the room and like, yeah, I am messy. Or then they look in their bathroom and their toothbrush and toothpaste around the counter like, yeah, I'm messy, as opposed to maybe I can do a better job putting things away. Big difference, right? So if I come into my children's room and it's a mess, which never happens because my children are perfect and the rooms are always pristine all the time, oh my goodness. If anyone has like a trick to that, please let me know on how to help children stay on top of the room. But when I come to the room. And it's time to pick up. What I say instead is like, wow, this room needs a little bit of attention. It's a little messy. You know? I saw you last time. Child Ember, Phoenix, whatever your name is, you know, name your child. I saw you last time and I saw when you were playing with your dolls, you did such a good job, like organizing them and all the little things. I love that organization that I see in you. All right, it's time to pick up a room. Let's see if we can take some of that organization and put it into this area of your room and just speaking that life instead of. You are a mess or you are lazy. Like those can be such small but important language shifts where we're not speaking negatively to their identity, ?but positively. So if, if, if I go in my child's room and I'm like just flabbergasted at the mess and I make, uh. Quick comment and then later realize, oh, I shouldn't have said that you, you've given us some other scenarios, but maybe it was another framework that we could use to kind of reset what we've said. Yeah, I think, you know, ?a lot of parents ask this question because after a conversation of, Hey man, our words are so powerful, like what we say, and then it's like, , I haven't done the best job. And I think what's so cool is this is a topic that it's not just mothers to daughters, right? Or sons. It's, you know, kids to their friends, kids to their peers, kids to their parents, kids to their siblings. And even for us, you know, wives to husbands, are we using these words, right? So there can be a like, I messed up how in the world? Like what do I do now? And so I think the coolest way to invite your kids into that. New way of being that you wanna do things better is just being like, Hey, I was listening to this podcast, or I was listening or reading this book, whatever, and it was talking about the power that God gives us in our words. And then you can even talk about experiments like I can even. Talk about to here. There's a rice experiment and there's a water experiment that, that literally show the power of words, right? And people have done it with plants too. Talk kindly to plants. These plants talk mean to these plants, you know, and you can see how them, how they grow in that, right? So it's a cool thing. Experience to bring your kids into, right? Be like, God actually gave us so much power in our words. Here's a verse in Proverbs that talks about our tongues speaking life and death. And did you know, science even backs that up? And I realize I haven't done the best job. But moving forward, I'm committed to building you up and encouraging you with my words. So one, you can apologize and say I'm sorry for the times that I have not. And the kindest and most encouraging with my words, will you forgive me? And then it's like, Hey, let's do this as a family, let's speak positively and encouraging and let no one wholesome talk come out of our mouth. So it's helpful for building each other up, right? . And just make it a family thing, right? And it's okay. Again, it's okay to mess up. Just own it and then invite your kids into the process, and then you all get to be on this journey together, calling each other ?up. Yes. Excellent. Well, how about social media? When parents feel outmatched by social media peers. . What can we do to help us understand our influences actually stronger than what the social media. So , how do you help parents navigate social media influences and,, keeping the parents' voice as the strongest voice? ?Yeah, I think that kids will go to where they feel loved and accepted, and if that's not at home, then they will turn to those other means, whether it be social media or peers or, you know, culture TV shows. If they don't have their value and their worth set at home, like with their faith, with God, with their parents, then they will be more, , more open to being influenced by what's out there. So. For me, like my kids will not get me getting cell phones till way later, maybe till they're 16. That's how I feel about it now, and there's a lot safer ways that they can, like we can still access them, you know, without having access to social media. I think it's so destructive, but. You do it, you wait. Do what you may make the best choice for you as a parent. And the reality is, even if they don't have social media, they're still hanging out with their friends at school or in homeschool groups. Not every child is perfect, even in homeschool groups. Right. And so I. The way that we stay, the loudest voice in our children's life is we be that place that encourages them, that uplifts them, that speaks life to them, that loves them, regardless if they mess up. And I'm not saying let everything be permissible. I'm not saying. They're rude to you and you're like, okay, just talk a little nicer next time. Or they do something and there should definitely be a consequence. And you're like, it's okay. You came home really late. It's alright. Just, you know, like, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about calling our children up, letting them take responsibility for their action, letting them take ownership for their actions. But it's not done with fear and shame. Kids actually feel safer when they know that, hey, if I push against mom and dad a bit, they're gonna stay strong. Like that's what they need. They need to know that they can trust us. So if we can create this environment at home where there are love, when they mess up, they're called up. When they mess up, there's natural consequences and they feel like they have life being breathed into them there. They're gonna go to social media and they're gonna see girls. Dress with less clothes on, telling them, Hey, you need things this certain size in order to be wanted by a man. And they're gonna go like, nuh, my daddy loves me. And he says, I'm great. Just the way God created me, that is not what I want. You know? And so it really starts in the home. ?Yeah. In those ways. And that goes back to your very first, , illustration of what happened on the bus. You were like. I'm not that because . You had been told that you were not that. Mm-hmm. And so you were able to discern those lines. , Because you had such a positive, , influence at home shaping who you were and your identity. ?But if I had been living my life in my home and I tipped something over and a parent was like, gosh, you're so klutzy. Or if I got a bad grade on a test, you're so dumb and so lazy. Like, why aren't you trying harder? Like all of those hits to my self-esteem. Or like, man, she's the difficult child. She's the strong-willed one. All these like negative statements. And then I interact with someone who's like, you're an idiot. Like. Of course that would hurt me, and I would believe that because I'm like, yeah, I have all of these other data points that have come from the people I look up to most that have been telling me this my whole life. ?you mentioned such great, , illustrations today and suggestions, comments, if you could just give a mom one mindset shift, what would be the one thing that she could start doing today that would build confidence in her child? What ?I would say to that mom is to just, the mindset shift is everything that comes outta your mouth is either bringing life neutral or bringing death. And people say, if you're not moving at all, you're going backwards, right? So just remember that you, you change your words, you will change your child's life. And the first step you can start taking is just pause. I think, like I mentioned earlier. Before you react, pause like, what is about to come outta my mouth right now? And maybe it's a, Hey, I need 10 minutes alone in my closet. Mommy needs a minute to cool down and I'm gonna come and address this. Right? And then you can go back to your closet, take a breath and be like, how can my words. Build life right now. Yes, have them take responsibility and ownership, but I'm not gonna shame them and I'm not gonna get their obedience by fear. Yeah. ?So that is what I would say. That's very, very good. Jody, it has been a pleasure to have you on the Faith Mom Mentor. Tell us where we can find you, find your books, find more information about you. , See what you else you have to offer and just get more encouragement like this. This has been amazing. Thank ?you for having me. The best place that I put out content is on Instagram, so you can just find me at Jody Hill Parenting and you'll have this in the show notes because that's what you do. And, , for your listeners, I have put together a free chapter for my audiobook that has the first super. Superpower strategy to raise confident in kids. So all they have to do is go to the link that you provide, which is podcast dot, it's jody hill.com. And not only will they get the first superpower strategy in my book, but they'll also get my top confidence boosters and busters. And it's like we talked about, you know, there are things that we do to bust our children's confidence, right? And some things we know, like they come out of our mouth and we are like. I should not have said that, but there's also some things we do that we don't even realize that we're doing it or things that we're saying. And so that's why I put together this guide where it's like, get this goodness today for free from me to you, and you can start on your journey to truly changing your kids' ?lives. We will definitely link those things in the description as well as your, . Parents. The parents secret superpower, the seven simple strategies to raise. Confident and capable, I love that word. Capable kids. Yes. With the power of your word. So Jody, it has been a pleasure having you on the Faith Mom mentor, and I look forward to looking at more of this information in your book and your resources and grabbing that as well. So thank you again. Thank you so much for having me.
